


I Know Your Shirts

by rainysunset



Series: What fate exactly do [2]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Affairs, Eventual Romance, F/M, First Love, Friendship/Love, Marriage, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 41,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24289675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainysunset/pseuds/rainysunset
Summary: Hanna was sure enough she already forgetting Jae. Sure enough that she will be fine if they meet again someday because she got over him in these past years. But one unexpected meeting is all it takes to bring back again all beautiful memories of them. One night to spend together is all it takes to crash down her wall of shield into the sand. But it's all wrong now, so Brian comes to the rescue, to pull her back to the right path. No, to a new beautiful path.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Original Female Character(s), Park Jaehyung | Jae/Original Female Character(s)
Series: What fate exactly do [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753894
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is some kind of continuation but also flash back to Maybe You Are.
> 
> I'm watching some dramas about act of affair recently and got an inspiration to write this. And yeah, the title is inspired from 2PM Wooyoung's Japanese song with the same title. I think it kind of fit, so... ✌

_Same atmosphere, same crazy evening. Everytime they perform, people get the same crazy energy, that enthusiasm, that exciting vibe accompany our evening, relieving some little stress with a promise for a better night. We didn't expect that band would do such big impact to end our day like that, but they keep proving it from time to time. After some times, we start to depend on them, to at least lessen our complicated day, untangle complicated business theories in our head. A couple of songs would do fine, a full one hour performance would blast our evening. We will have a good sleep with a good feeling thanks to them._

_Today is not for that one hour performance, though. Because although I enjoy this atmosphere and their performance right now, we still have assignment to be done tonight. It should be done tonight, we have to present it tomorrow. It's really an important business presentation, we will play an act, everything will be as serious as the actual deal. Our friends in class will be like the investors and every group should present their business proposal to appeal to them, to make them invest. It's the key of all this courses I've been walking through. We're in business major. And two of my team mates are still there performing, pleasing these people in another way. As much as I enjoy their performance, I feel anxious too, because our power point are far from complete and it starts to bothering me now. We talked about many things beforehand, like ideas and thoughts, we come to agreement about what we will present tomorrow, but we need a good visualization of those things to appeal the investors, along with datas and interesting informations on power point. And we need to get to it asap because I don't like this feeling of anxious._

_The guitarist smile after his impressive solo performance, satisfied. The crowd's cheering, hoping the band will continue playing through the night, or a little bit more. But the guitarist standing in front of the mic, holding it, clear his throat before start speaking._

_"How is it?" He said with a really soothing voice, echoing through this small aula._

_The crowd is cheering again to answer him, to show the band our exciting and full of energy state of mind._

_The guitarist then turn his head to the bassist, who now also standing in front of his mic, smiling. "We had so much fun, so I hope every one of you have as much fun as we had..." People cheering again, "We want to play for a little bit more through the night, but..." The bassist laughing when the crowd making an upset voices. "We have a very important assignment to submit tomorrow and we still far from finishing it."_

_We all laughing hard._

_"There..." The guitarist point out his hand to me and Lia direction, "Around there, our team mates are waiting, glaring at us angrily to quickly end this performance."_

_Many heads turn towards me and Lia, my hands are moving, make some kind of rolling up gesture in the air, tell them to really end this fast, immidiately. People starting to laugh again._

_They speak a little bit more to say thank you before really end their time. They gather their instruments, clear the small stage from the cables fast then walking down with one last cheer from the audience. Not long after, another performer get up on stage and the cheer of people blaring this place one more time._

_My sight never leave them, our team mates. Jae the guitarist, and Brian the bassist. They walking through the crowd with the rest members of the band, big satisfied smile still paste on their lips, just like they always show after their performances. They are good. They absolutely capable to quit college just doing music to make living. They have their fanbase already, and it's wild. This place always full everytime they showed up, people like them, and they are famous already. Each one of them is famous in school already, they're like celebrities except their attitude. Well, at least to me and Lia, because they're still the lazy class mates and team mates we knew. Never once we feel them superior, they're just one of us, lazy students struggling to graduate college._

_"Here they are Park Jaehyung's fans." Dowoon cheering when he arrived, the others following behind him, approaching me and Lia._

_"I'm not anymore, I swear. I gave up the moment he said he has someone he want to spend the rest of his life with." Lia put her hand up in the air as the sign of surrender._

_"So now it's just you." Wonpil smiling wide mocking me._

_"Yeah, it's just me but this is not the right time for that. Let's go Jae and Brian, we don't have much time." I said to them._

_"Relax, babe. We have all night." Brian chuckled, smiling so relaxing, that's his vibe all the time. He's so relax that I sometimes afraid of what he's thinking with that relax attitude he has. Is he even take this life seriously?_

_But yeah, Wonpil's right, it's just me. It used to be me and Lia who following Jae everywhere, but now it's just me. But I guess my term on following him is different with Lia's. She just genuinely like him as a fan, as a figure of celebrity. But me? I like him genuinely as he is. As a whole Park Jaehyung. I like him that way, I want to be with him that way. I told him already about that, many times, but he reject me always. Everyone knew. All the members knew, Lia knew. I told him my feelings many times and he rejected it many times too, they all knew. And it become some kind of funny normal thing between us, just keep going on like that everyday in our college life._

_He become cool about it and I become cool about it, so we're cool. The members always teasing me about it just like today, but I just respond to them coolly, just like that. Because that's the fact, and I don't want to feel sorry or ashamed of that fact. Because it's true that I fans him, I like him. And I'm hoping someday he will soften and open up his heart to me, to really trying with me. And forget that 'someone he want to spend the rest of his life with' completely._

_Who the hell is she, though?_

_I laughed when he said she's a childhood friend of him. Lia laughed too. Only Brian nodded his head, because he kind of knew the person. Well, Brian went to the same elementary school with Jae, and knew some of Jae's friends, so he made a guess of who is she Jae talking about, although Jae never really made a statement if Brian's guess was right or not. The point is, I hate her already, that someone who Jae want to spend the rest of his life with. I haven't met her, don't know her face or her name or other things about her, but I hate her already. And jealous._

_I challenge her quietly, I create a war with her, alone. And I want to win. I want to win Jae over her, so although I might seem cool about this friendship me and Jae has, I keep attacking. One step at a time, very smoothly, patiently. And I'm sure I can melt his heart in the end. This effort will be fruity, he will look at me and forget her eventually. I believe intensity of our meeting will win over his childhood memories of her._

_"I sent my task to your email, can I go home now? Wonpil's here already to pick me up." Lia said after close her laptop and put it inside her bag. It's near midnight, her yawning is understandable._

_Unlike me, Lia gave up chasing Jae the moment she heard about that 'someone' from Jae's childhood. She got closer with Wonpil instead, no one knows how. It just happened to be like that, strangely._

_I nod my head to her, "Go home safely, don't be late tomorrow."_

_"What's your bet?" Brian asked Lia._

_"I bet she'll sleep here, 10 bucks."_

_"I bet he'll take her home, 10 bucks." Brian grin and they're shaking hands._

_They're making a bet about me, really annoying, as always. But I let it pass, just shaking my head left and right, forcing my focus on the power point I still working on._

_Brian excuse himself as well not long after Lia left, he finish his task too, so we left alone, me and Jae. Not the first time, it has been quiet often we left alone like this, we get used to it. Even after all my confessions to him, he get used to it. This thin line between friends and lovers starting to break, apparently. Well, hopefully._

_This feels so right, alone with him like this. Comfortable, like this is how it supposed to be. Who is that girl from her childhood he treasured about? She doesn't exist here, right now. It's just me and him now, as real as it should be._

_"I'm done too." I look at him who is sitting on the sofa, a notebook on his lap, his fingers still dancing on the keyboard fast, focus still on the monitor._

_"Just this one page and I'm done too."_

_I'm yawning and stretching up, it's 30 minutes past midnight._

_"Send all the works form the others to me, I'll put it into one after I take you home."_

_"I'm fine sleeping here at your sofa." I put my chin on his knees, still not moving from my seating on the floor._

_"You can't."_

_I'm pouting my lips, "Why? Just sleeping, though."_

_"I'm not fine with it."_

_I smile, "Accept it, you keep avoiding it because you knew you will surrender to me and give in to me in the end. But you afraid that it will really happening because that means you will break your promise to that 'someone from your childhood'."_

_He doesn't respon, still keeping his focus on the monitor instead, his practical way to getting rid of this topic, as he always did._

_But tonight, I feel the urge to confront him, to go a little bit further. Or should I go all the way? Being brave all the way? This is the perfect timing though._

_"That someone... she might forget about you already, though."_

_He finally pay attention to me._

_"Well, you two are not contacting each other since elementary graduation, at all. You're not following each other's social media, you're not hearing any news about her recently, she's not hearing about you either. She might forget about you, she might not remember those childish promises you made, worse, she might not take those promises seriously at all, and let it pass and forgotten just like that."_

_"Hanna..."_

_"Or she might found someone else, better than you. Do you want to see her together with her soulmate happily when you back to Korea later while you still hoping for her? Being miserable on your own, alone? Drown in your agony?"_

_"I'm gonna deal with it on my own, later. And you should know, that's not a sure thing to happen. It can be the other way around too." We're staring for some times. Him with his sure and determination gaze everytime._

_"I hate you." I still staring at him._

_"You should."_

_Silence creep in, along with anger within me. Who the hell is she? What kind of girl is she? I hate her so much, I want to win this silent battle with her. This bring so much angriness. I want to have him, why should I letting go of him to someone who doesn't even exist today? This is surely another level of angriness._

_"Three months."_

_He frowning his forehead._

_"Give me three months and I'll change your heart." I stand up and sit right beside him. "Let's be a couple for three months, let me show you what you've been missing all this time, let me make some effort to turn your heart, give me a chance to open up your mind to me. I'll make you crazy over me, I'll make you forget about her." I blink, "In three months." This is my last chance._

_My one and only chance._

_He blink too, thinking about it, "Will you stop if you failed?"_

_My heart beats faster._

_In three months, we'll probably not in the same class anymore. Finals, and we'll probably go separate ways, different classes, different routines, we'll probably not going to meet that often anymore. If I failed, it'll be easy, the perfect timing to really forget about him, to closing the case. It's my advantage._

_But I want to win. I will win. My determination is as strong as his about this. I want to be with him, I want to have him._

_"Yes, I will stop completely if I failed. I'll disappear from your life, you won't hear anything about me anymore."_

_He straighten up his seating._

_"But in those three months, I won't hold back. In those three months, you can't hold back too. In those three months, we're a real couple. You're my boyfriend, I'm yours. We'll do it all the way." My heart beating so fast I'm nervous._

_He just staring at me, it feels like the longest one minute I've ever experienced. I'm so nervous my heart beating so fast and I want to kiss him so bad. If he reject this too, I might have no braveness anymore to be this cool again with him._

_"Okay, deal."_

_My heart stops for three seconds, I think? But then I try to compose myself, for not screaming and jumping up and down in happiness, I try hard to keeping it cool._

_"Good decision." I smile wide then lean on to him, kiss him for real, feeling the softness of his lips on mine while he just sit still feeling kind of taken aback because of my sudden action._

_Finally._

That was how it started, the best three months of my life. We were not holding back, completely drawning to each other. His attitude towards me changed, he became that sweet romantic boy every teenage girl could dreamed of. It was like a romantic movie, really. He was the best boyfriend I ever had. His coldness were gone, we leaned and depend on to each other so much in those three months, really couldn't get off of each other. People looked at us as crazy lovers, we became famous already, full of lovey dovey. It was the best time of my life, we were touching each other often too, couldn't really get off of each other. He made me think I won the battle, he made me think he surely wasn't holding back, so when three months passed, I felt so confident that he would continue with what we were doing, that he felt the same way with what I felt.

But he wasn't moving from his place. Never even an inch. He was an excellent actor who successfully got rid of me out of his life. It was just his way. But I didn't regret it a little bit, it was sad and tragic, but I really treasured those sweet memories I made with him. It was beautiful and I didn't mad at him. It was me who ran into him, it was me who proposed that stupid idea. I want to remember it as a beautiful memories.

And that's what I do. It's indeed a beautiful memories.

I sigh deep, remembering those times, still the best time of my life even until now. I had many best times after that, but those still remain as the best of the best, so I smile.

Right now...

Two years since I look at his wedding pictures with that childhood friend of him, Rae. Her name is Kim Raein. Beautiful, just like her whole existance. She has an outstanding background, just like him, which I found out later after I graduated. Such a perfect fit, both in romantic way and business term. Their wedding was praised by so many business parties in this country. A team that will never lose, they said. Very strong opponent. They really suit each other, now if I think about it. He fulfilled his wishes, he kept his promises to her.

Lucky her.

I blink still looking at their recent photo. He holding up his baby in his embrace while holding her hand, pose to the camera, all faces show big happy smile.

My heart flinch.

Am I jealous? Or angry? Am I allowed to be angry? Or sad? I feel upset, that's what I'm sure of. I still hoping for him? What is this feeling? Looking at his happy face, her happy face, is devastating. I didn't feel like this after I see their wedding photos, I didn't feel this kind of emotion back then, why now?

Like that should be me beside him holding his hand? What the hell, this is so not right. What am I thinking? I suddenly miss him so much too. Remembering all those kisses we did in the past, can I taste it again a little bit? Just for reminiscing, not for hoping anything new, can I?

I'm messed up.

I sigh and turn off my phone, looking at the very clear and bright Incheon sky from the plane window. Now why in the world I transferred to Korea?

-


	2. Chapter 2

Someone's screaming my name out loud, trying to beat the sound of blaring music that playing in this exclusive bar. I turn around and focusing my sight to every faces around me, searching for that certain face I remember. But suddenly, somone hug me from behind, screaming so loud on my ear, bring an automatic smile on my face. I turn to her then for a couple minutes later, I feel like it's just us alone in this bar getting excited of the fact that we finally meet each other again after so many years.

Just like any other besties who finally meet again after separated, we talking fast to each other, asking and answering fast about each other's life, forgetting our surrounding for awhile, until I kind of turn my head and spot Brian standing with his head shaking left and right seeing our still childish attitude, just like those old days.

"Yah you really become so much prettier, you." Lia speak excitingly, eyeing me from my head to toe.

"Acknowledge?" I asked Brian, smiling and hoping.

"Turn around."

I do what he said, turn around trying to give some glamorous vibe with my hand gesture as well, twinkling my eyes in the end and lift up my right eyebrow through a tilting head, demand his acknowledgement.

"Not much different, though."

"YAH!!!" Me and Lia screaming at him in unison, upset.

He grin, smiling wide then open both of his arms wide to me. I smile and jump to his embrace, taste the nostalgia on him right away when I'm in his embrace.

"I miss you so much." I pat his back a couple times until Lia touch my hand and separating me from Brian.

"Me too, me too. Hug me too."

And I hug her tight, I even try to lift her up and turn her around make us both laugh at it. This overflowing feeling of meeting people from your past is amazing. It is this amazing, wow. I never thought I'm gonna feel this strong emotion in this kind of place, but I did. And I feel good, happy. Like I finally come home, to be with the familiar surrounding once again, just like where I'm supposed to be. The memories flooding into my head just like that, without warning.

"It'll be complete if Jae is here, too." Lia said nonchalantly, still with the same smile of excitement on her face.

But it makes silence appear between us. My smile gone suddenly, although it shouldn't be like that. I should be fine now, though. It's all in the past, I should be cool already about him, I shouldn't give this kind of reaction everytime someone say his name, I shouldn't be staying still in an awkward silence like this.

"Oh come on, you both still that sensitive about his name?!" Lia showed his frustrated feeling.

I force a smile, "What do you mean? It'll be complete if the others are here too with us, why only Jae?"

"I mean, the one from business major, please. The others were not." She rolled her eyes to me, "But Wonpil will be here soon, right?" Lia asked Brian, who I'm aware is Wonpil's housemate right now.

"I told him Hanna's back, so he'll probably come."

"He told me he will." Lia assuring us if not herself. "You didn't tell Jae?"

Brian get silence for awhile, "Should I?" Then he look at me, in a very serious expression.

I chuckle, "Why? If you want to tell him just tell him, why asking my permission?"

"I don't really want to, though." He shrug up his shoulders, "Besides, you told Wonpil personally, why don't you do the same to Jae?"

Lia sighing and shacking her head, "I thought you both reconciled already. Things aren't cool yet between you two? Still awkward?"

I'm frowning my forehead, trying to keep up with this conversation, but I'm lost.

"We're good. Just not hang out that much anymore. Well, we never really hang out after he came back here, matter of factly." Brian clearly trying hard to avoid this topic about him and Jae.

What happened?

"So, are you gonna live here for good, finally?" He shifted the topic to me.

"Wait, what happened with you and Jae? What did I miss?"

Lia growls, "Yah, did you live in some kind of cave or what? Their video is everywhere on the internet, though. It was #1 search for days, became headline in almost all business media." She glared at me.

What?

"Um... I uh... kind of shutted down all about Jae for awhile, so..."

Lia's expression got soft hearing that, because she knew and understand completely about what happened between me and Jae in the past, "Let's find a table, we'll tell you all about it."

"You girls can do that, I have a performance I need to nail. I'll be back after you finish talking about it." Brian sigh then leave us. Really give us a sign that he don't want to talk about it anymore.

I staring at him, even turn myself to keep looking at him while he walking further away from us.

"He looks sad. Even his back looks sad. Why is he so sad?" I still staring at him who now paving his way through the crowd to reach the stage.

"Girl, he's getting better. He's better than last year when I first came back here. That time he was... fucked up." She's staring at him too, really examine him in serious matter.

"He fought with Jae?"

She's sighing again, "Prepare to hear the story, Park Hanna. This is kind of doesn't-make-sense story. But it happened."

I look at her in seriousness, seriously curious.

"Oh, that's Kim Wonpil." I finally back to current state when I see Wonpil step inside this place, staring left and right looking for familiar faces.

I put my hand up and waving at him when he finally land his sight on our direction. He then smile wide, walking a little bit too exciting towards us.

Just like Brian, he give me a hug too. "Never thought you'll come back here again, Park Hanna."

"Why?! Why you think like that?!" Are we gonna starting this teasing again? Really?

"Jae lives here. I mean, I thought you don't want him to hear anything about you anymore."

"You just still the same person like back then, why in the world you're not change a little bit? Isn't that kind of tease too childish now?" I hit his shoulder from the side, gritted my teeth upset.

Lia laugh.

"How can you still together without teach him to grow up a bit?" Now I glare at her annoyed.

But both of them just laugh. Laughing at me.

"It's kind of fun teasing you with that, you know." She said softly.

"Right, of course." Wonpil laughing harder.

I hate them both. I see now why they're this close all this time.

"You should come earlier. She was freezed out when I first mentioned Jae." Lia start to walk, with Wonpil beside her holding her shoulder very casually.

"Really? Ah, such a waste, I should see those miserable expression of her."

"Yaaaah!" I scream to them, get sulky right away.

They both turn their head and smile, but Lia is the one who come to me and drag me to walk between them. Their hands are on both of my shoulders, hug me while we walking inside this place to find a table.  
  


Wonpil and Lia really tell me all about Brian and Jae incident in detail, but it still kind of hard to believe. There are so many informations to take all at once, makes me questioning if I really had missing out that much of their lives. I realized that shutted down everything about Jae made me shutted down everything about them too, and I'm so regret it now. I feel like an ignorant friend.

But as always, Lia and Wonpil makes me feel better at the end of the night. We reminisced many things from our past too when Brian finally join us after his performance. He's still good, by the way. Oh no, his musical skill improved tremendously, he still got many fans beside him, just like those old good times. He worked with many famous artists and idols too as a composer, did a couple of featuring with some indie artists, but still, performing on stage like this is his favorite. Because he just want to do what he want, and here, he can do what he want with his music. Quitting college and come back to Korea to pursue his dream seems like a good decision from him. It must be feel so good to make living from doing things that he likes everyday. He's a lucky guy, still got that relax vibe on him, still looks so carefree wherever he go.

"How will you go home?" Brian asked after we finally called it a night. Lia left with Wonpil already.

I shake my head, "Don't know."

"Let's go then." He standing up and I follow him to the parking lot.

I smile when I see his motorbike. He always ride motorbike, even back then. He like it too much. It's different type from back then, but it surely the same style. His style. Very Brian.

I take a helmet he handed me, "How about a cup of coffee first?"

He staring then sigh, "I can't avoid this talk forever, right?" He shrug his shoulders. "Get on."

I smile, he bring us to a small cafe uphill so we can enjoy the warm of summer night breeze while sightseeing the town view in front of us. We enjoying the view and this peaceful atmosphere in silence for awhile, sipping our coffee a couple times. It's different, contrast with club atmosphere we just left.

"Warm."

"Summer's coming."

I hum agreeing.

I blink once, "Meeting you again, along with Wonpil and Lia, reminds me of back then."

"Sure it is."

"It was one of my best moment in life. Those moments we spent together, those nights we spent studying until midnight, with Jae too..."

"Don't get too sentimental." He said so relax with his back touch the chair, eyes wondering to the night sky in front of us.

I smile a little bit sad hearing it.

"You will meet him sooner or later, get sentimental won't help."

"Sitting on your bike just then reminds me of that night too."

He smirk, "When you were crying so bad, hugged me and told me to make you disappear from this planet after Jae once again rejected you?"

"I was so sad that time, that night was really the end of it all." I pout my lips.

He nodded, "Sure you were. You like Jae so much."

"Liked. Past tense."

"Really?" He start to tease me.

Oh, here we go again.

"He never tried to open his heart for me. He agreed to date me for three months just to get rid of me completely. He knew the ending scene, he knew he won't move from his place, but he still gave me a chance and did what he did with me because I asked him to."

"He's a good guy."

"And gave me those beautiful memories, being the best man I ever dreamed of."

Brian tilt his head, "He sounds like a bad person now, if I think about it again."

I laugh, "Yes, he was bad."

Silence for some times until he suddenly say, "No, he's a good guy. He always be a good guy. Sometimes he made us think he's bad and selfish, but no. He never has bad intention."

I gulp down and blink my eyes at him, "So what did you do?" I touch my cup with both of my hands, cover it with my palms, feeling the warm from the coffee. "A... fuck buddy? I never thought that thing really exist in real life?"

He smile to himself, "They really told it in detail, weren't they?"

"Didn't you know it already? That Rae is the girl he kept talked about in our college days?"

He taken aback by my question.

"Back then, you were the only one claiming that you knew the girl Jae talked about. Right?"

"You remember that?"

"I remember that you said you both went to the same elementary school."

He sigh and smirk, "This is unexpected, I never thought the talk will go to this direction."

I smile, "So what? You knew it from the start, that Rae is that girl, but you still did that... thing with her? Before Jae came back here...?"

He stare at me deep. "Hm."

"Why?"

He turn his head from me, "It was so easy back then, me meeting Rae. She was alone and broken and I was bored with my life." But then he stare at me again, "And just like you, I tried to change her heart too. That's why the video happened."

I sigh. Then he sigh as well. We drawning in our emotions then, just looking at the sky while sipping our coffee one at a time.

"That person... Rae... is she that great?"

He smile softly to himself again, still in wondering state, "Right, is she that great?"

"You look sad."

"Yah, you look sad as well."

Am I?

I shouldn't though. I got over Jae a long time ago. Right? I'm not sad.

Ah, really.

-


	3. Chapter 3

I...

I take a deep breath once again, close my eyes for a full second trying to steady my breath.

Just like what Brian said last night, sooner or later I will meet Jae, but I never thought it will be this soon. I'm not taking this job as my company's representative to handle this project just for meeting Jae in my first day working here like this. This is not fair. I know I should be professional and separating work with personal matter, but why in the world I should meet him after so many years in this kind of serious environment? This is really not right.

Gosh Brian's words are right, I shouldn't get too sentimental. This won't help. At all.

Also, how he look right now is not helping as well. What's with those tailored well fitted suit he wear? Those hair style? That formal-business-like attitude? Those talking and sharp thinking? That smart ideas and analogy? Those promising investment he talking about very smoothly, and a little smile in the middle of it every once in a while?

This is so wrong.

He's married. He's a man with a baby now. He's not supposed to look hot like that while presenting his investment ideas. This creating a conflict of interest within me. I don't want to look at him, because when our sight meet coincidentally in the middle of his explanation, I get nervous right away.

He remember me, of course. From the moment I stepped into this room introducing myself and my company, the moment our eyes met, he remember me. Because he stare at me long then smile like we're close. Like we're a long lost friend. He kind of surprised at first, but then he smile very happily, like someone who genuinely happy to meet an old friend.

I hate that.

Am I the only one who still feel nervous around him? Am I the only one who still feel this tingling feeling about him? This flinch in my stomach? This sadness and wasted feeling too?

My goodness I hate this.

"So, with all of this things combined together, along with our resources, market standing, and trend record, we are confident that we can bring a very prospective mutual agreement between both companies. Branding will be so much easier as our company is specialized in it specifically. With our long known brand, I do believe it won't be hard to make this new brand familiar and accepted by people in this country as well." Jae smile again, staring at one of us fast to give an impactful personal impression. One of the thing we learned together back then in college, which is not hard for a person with as good looking as him.

Damn.

I sigh alone, annoyed. Sound of clapping become the background of my conflicted feelings right now and honestly I want to leave this room so bad.

"Park Hanna?"

I clear my throat, gettting back to where I am right now, pretend to checking the papers on my table. I sigh and straighten up my back, moving a pen in my fingers, brave myself to lift up my head and look at Jae company's side, without really staring at him in the eyes.

I nodded, "It was good." I smile a little, "Ideas, analysis, programs, scheduling, financial fund, background, everything is good. This company match all the criterias as well. I studied your new project too that involve online selling, and the result is quite impressive for a first timer. Online selling is the main aspect we will focused on when entering Korea's market, so it suit our vision as well. Branding is good too, I knew personally about your company, it has been running for like centuries already, so no one doubt it." I smile, some of important people from my company smile and nodded their heads too, agreeing my statement.

"And we have a flexible environment too, we can discuss more about the details of all the programs and can match some things if you want to be more spesific about it, we don't really that conservatives anymore."

"I know, I heard about that big changes of environment ever since you handle this company. You're quite famous."

Some people laughing and smiling, make this meeting become more relaxing rather than nerve-wrecking.

And he smile wide, happy. I can see his bubble cheeks kind of bouncing.

"All good, though. Although we need more internal discuss about it..." I look at my company's side where all the important people nodding their head simultaneously. "Let's hear some of your opinions, then." I smile.

But then I sighing alone after that, looking down at some kind of diagram and statistic chart on the paper but not really studying it, the voice of explanation about our project is kind of fade away little by little, covered up by my feelings and emotions. It really distracts me.

This is hard.

"One ice americano." I said to the barista.

"You never drink americano back then. Too bitter for you."

I close my eyes, recognizing his voice right away. Why is he here too? I did my best to avoid to talk to him personally after the meeting, but now why is he here too? Is he intentionally following me or what?

I turn myself, "My preference's change."

No, I avoiding coffee I usually order with you, hoping it help me to forget all about you, for not reminding myself of you in my daily activities. I keep doing that, even until now. All the small things that will possibly reminds me of him, I keep avoiding it. As best as I can. What's wrong with me really. I'm pathetic. Lia will be so mad at me if she know about this.

"Let me..." Jae swift casually to the front after the barista say amount of money I should pay. "Add one more ice americano for me." He hand a card to pay both of our coffee while I bite my bottom lip wondering where is this going.

I move to the pick up side without saying anything. Am I nervous? I keep touching my nail within my fingers, though.

"Let's have a seat first? It's so nice to meet you again here, it's been a long time."

I don't want to. I feel like I'm going to cry. Seeing your smile right now already makes me want to cry. There's really something wrong with me.

I look at my watch.

"There's still so much time until the meeting start again. Let's have a seat first." He take my coffee with him before walking to the nearest table.

I lick my lips nervously, but follow him in the end, welcomed by his smile when I arrived at the table he chose, near the window. He always choose a table near the window. That time too, everytime. See? Small little thing like this, really...

I sit and sip my coffee once. Now what? Will you ask how I'm doing now? Asking if I live well?

"You still look the same."

I turn my head from the window and blink my eyes at him, watching him watching me, surprised at that unexpected sentence, "I'm not, though."

"Still pretty."

"You never think I'm pretty, though."

"What do you mean?" He laugh, "I told you many times back then."

"But that was because I forced you. I forced you and Brian to say that. Even yesterday, Brian still not thinking I'm pretty enough."

"You met Brian already?"

I gulp down, "Hm, the others too. Lia and Wonpil."

"Why they didn't call me?" He sounds kind of sulky about it.

"Don't know." I shrug my shoulders, avoid his gaze and slurp my coffee instead, act like this coffee in front of me is more interesting than him.

Then he mumble something in an upset tone because of this discrimination act from them.

"Maybe they afraid we would disturbing you. You have family now."

He chuckle softly and slurp his drink too.

"Ah, I saw it on the news, your son just turn one year old, happy birthday."

He smile, proud and nodding his head.

"He really looks like you." I taste the bitterness of this coffee on my tongue a little bit too much when I said that.

He nodded proudly again.

I try hard to ignore those bitterness and coolly joking about it, "Except the eyes, fortunately."

He stop moving his head suddenly and glare a little at me, "Yaaah!"

I laugh.

"My eyes are pretty, it just the size is unbalance with one another."

I nodded, "That's why it's fortunate that your son has the same eyes' size."

"Right," he agreeing right away.

"Your eyes always radiating sureness, that... determination. I hope your son will have that too." Even in the last day we were together as a couple too, you looked so determined with your decision, so sure, not a single doubt appeared from them. You believe in your decision to rejected me again, for the last time. You looked so sure that's why it hurts.

I want to add those sentences so bad, but I don't. Because that's the right thing to do, let it stay in the past.

He smile and drink his coffee again, lean his back to the chair, getting more relax and comfortable. "Let's not be awkward."

I suddenly want to cry so I looking down my head. Why I feel like this again, though? Not feeling awkward means he got over it already. He got over me, he got over everything that we once had. He treated our past just as past memories that has nothing to do with his current life anymore. It hurts, because me right here still feeling uncomfortable like this inside, still feeling this unexpected meeting too emotionally.

"It's more comfortable talking with you like this. Like the old days."

I force a smile, "Sure, of course. Let's do that. We probably become business partner later, so let's talk comfortably like this."

He sigh deep, "Fortunately. I thought you won't agree, you kept avoiding my gaze at the meeting..."

"I need to focus on the meeting." Very wrong excuse. Get your senses back, Park Hanna.

He nodding his head, "Understandable, many people told me that they can't fully focus when they seeing my face, I sure got some attractiveness to distract..."

"Yaaah!" I cut his words annoyed.

He smile, "You knew it, though. Have you forget all those chocolates and flowers I got back then after I performed?"

"The others got more than you, though. Brian clearly got the most of it."

"I got more, in private. You just didn't see it."

I chuckle.

"But, how's Brian? I didn't meet him for awhile."

"You mean after your wedding?" I laugh a little.

"Of course you knew the story already."

"It's everywhere." Big lie, I just know it when I came here though because Lia and Wonpil told me. "He looks sad to me." I look at the window, at how bright and blue the sky is today. Pretty.

"Should I meet him?"

I smile, "Yes, meet him. If you not sure to meet him privately, just join us when we hang out sometimes."

"That's what I'm talking about! Why no one called me? No one told me you come back? No one want to keep in touch with me?"

I lift up my eyebrow, surprised at his nagging, "Did marriage change you like this?" I laugh.

"I mean..." He laugh, "You guys are one of the best part of my life, I don't want us to be awkward, and I don't want to be left behind."

"Who is leaving who? You clearly ahead of us, what are you talking about..." I mumbling to myself.

"I can hear it though."

I grin, "I'll call you if we're gonna hang out later, promise." I check my watch when I unintentionally see our collagues passing by.

"It's the time already?"

I nod my head, "Let's go."

He sigh, "Let's go, let's back to work again."

I laugh and walk in lighter steps and better mood. Unexpected, though?

A car stop in front of me just when I waiting for a cab to go home right after the long meeting with Jae's company. It's him, again. Smiling at me right after he pull down the window.

"Waiting for a cab?"

I smiling back and nod my head.

"Get on, I'll give you a ride."

I think for like a mere seconds but then just do what he say, get on his car without much thinking. The meeting went smooth and got more relax after the break. Me and Jae, well, and everyone else at the meeting discussed the investment more comfortably, more laughter and we transfered our ideas more freely as well. The awkwardness I felt when I first saw him again after so many years is kind of fade away because of that.

And from that discussion we did, I once again remember how smart and creative Jae is, just like how he was back then. Even better now, because he got a very critical mind too, along with sharp business insting and intuition to predict the market. And he can explaining it well so people can be in the same page with him when creating those business ideas.

"Still confused to choose a car?" He asked after he input my address to the navigation device.

"I just arrived here two days ago, even my stuff still lying messily all around my place." I laugh a little.

"Need help? I know a good showroom around here, my friend own it, so it'll be easier to get stuff done. You just need to pick the car you like, then it will be on your garage right away."

"Great, send me the address, then."

"I'm willing to take you there, though. Let's go together, I can be your adviser too. I know a thing or two about cars."

"Thank you, then."

"Tomorrow? Lunch time?"

I turn my head giving him a look of 'that soon?'

"I'll be out of town the day after tomorrow, if I'm not mistaken."

I smirk, "You don't have to go with me, though. It's okay, I can do it by myself."

"Okay, I'll send you the address later." He focus on the u-turn before ask me again, "So you'll live here for good?"

"Don't know yet. They send me here as a representative for this project, there's no plan yet about really building up an office here, we just doing trial and error first, to see what's work and not before really decided to build a base here. Korean market is kind of..."

"Complicated."

"Challenging." I nod, "Because this country has a very... strong culture, you know... even in business term."

"I know what you mean. But seems like the new generation is more open to foreign things more than you can imagine. Young people nowadays very easily adapting."

"That's a great thing to hear. It'll be easier to communicate and understand each other, then."

"Yeah, that's what I mean."

I nod in agreement, "We'll see, then. We'll note everything as an input."

Jae stop in a red light in time with the stopping of our conversation. And I don't know what to ask or say, nothing pops out inside my head so I just staring at the street in front of me, looking out the people crossing the street. Some of them just back from work like us, some of them look younger with casual outfit, some of them alone, some with someone beside them, talking and smiling lovingly.

"They must be college students." Jae said, I look at him to find who he meant then smile.

"How do you know?"

"Their tired and frustrated expressions."

We laugh.

"They might just went through a bad test."

"I know how it felt," he groan frustratingly.

"Their group of friends waiting at the other side..."

"Where? Oh right. Oh they are smiling bright now."

"Maybe they'll go to some club or something to having fun after that bad frustrating test."

"Oh, that would be great." The car move again after the light turn green, "Dance away the stressful day, or just enjoying their favorite band playing, having fun with all the young people through the night."

"Yeah, right, good times."

"Except if there's someone waiting, force you to end the night sooner to do some assignments..."

I laugh at his teasing of our past. That someone was me. I did that to him and Brian a couple times in the past. Forced them to finish their play time fast to get down to our group assignment because I don't want them to make me and Lia doing it alone.

"I did that so you guys wouldn't left behind. I didn't want you to get an A but actually don't know a single thing about the subject."

"Me and Brian wasn't that bad at studying, we knew the subject, we just wanted to had freedom to play a little bit more without you girls supervisioning us every night."

"Oh you felt supervisioned by us?"

"Well, not everytime, but..."

"I thought we were playing together, though. Wah, it kind of upset me. You wanted a freedom from us, huh?"

"I... don't mean it like that..." He's stuttering then sigh, "Ah, I'm messing up."

"Lia will be upset hearing it."

"No, I don't mean it like that." He said softly. "It was really a good times, though."

I remembering those old times, "Yeah, you and Brian took advantages of me and Lia, too. To fooled your fans."

"Ah, right." He laugh, "It was so funny."

"Yeah, me and Lia were like... getting hate messages every once in a while, there were cursing, bad wishes, and many things that doesn't even made sense at all. People, mostly girls, were like you all so much it made them jealous to saw us with you everywhere, they were wishing us to die."

We laugh hard reminiscing those crazy days.

"Like, what the hell? Me and Lia got so angry one time that we went to an arcade and play that game, you know, that punch thing machine..."

"Yeah, I know, I know..." He nodded his head, still concentrating to the street in front of him.

"We were like really punch that thing so hard, poured out all of our upset emotions and angriness into it. You know, I still remember Lia's screaming 'WHY SHOULD WE DIE JUST BECAUSE WE'RE WITH THEM?'" I make a punch gesture, copying what Lia did that I remembered back then.

While Jae laughing so hard beside me, his face start to turn red.

"Then I was like, 'THEY ARE NOT THAT GREAT' while punching, then started to list down your embarassing moments one by one."

"What kind of embarassing moment?" He tried to ask in the middle of his laughing.

"Like when you and Brian got scolded in front of the class by the professor because of the drawing you made on your paper test instead of writing the answers." Jae's laugh get harder. "Or when Brian held a stranger's shoulders and nearly hug her when he thought she was me or Lia, it happened a couple of times..."

"Many times, actually. It happened when you guys were not around too, it's embarassing as hell, really."

"Or that... that time you know, when Dowoon drank an expired milk..."

"Oh, right hahahahaha, oh I shouldn't be laughing at that."

"He got hospitalized for two days because of it."

"Right, but it was so funny."

"There were so many funny things back then, and all of it like... doesn't make sense, if I think about it again, like how could it happened? Were you guys that... stupid or unlucky that those things happened to you?"

"Really..." Jae shooking his head left and right, "I don't know how that happened too, oh my god. It was so funny now if I remember it again. And I just remember Wonpil were tripping many times too, and the scene was so funny everytime I remember it."

We both laugh again, because I just remember it too. That scene of Wonpil where he was tripping on his feet and fell down when we were just doing nothing, we were just walking slowly though, not even running, that scene pops up in my head, makes me laugh again harder.

I sigh deep, tired from laughing, "Ah, it makes me thirsty now."

"Let's get something to drink first, then." He said and not long after, he turn the car to some cozy cafe.

We talking for like two hours again there and it felt so good that I'm not even thinking about my romantic feelings to him. I mean, beside being someone I had a romantic feeling for, he was my friend too back then. He was one of a good friend. So it felt so good when our conversation is all about reminiscing our friendship like that. Those moments become more precious now.

So I take a deep breath, feeling so much in relieved when I got home. I take a shower and humming happily before I go to sleep, smiling alone one or two times. This is unexpectedly good. I'm feeling good. Wow, I spent two days meeting people from my past and it makes me feel so good. Makes me feel home. We have so much to tell, so much stories to share to one another, and it makes me happy when we remembering our moments from the past too. The best feeling ever.

And I kind of thankful that me and Jae didn't feel the awkwardness that long. I'm grateful that he still the same Jae who capable to brighten up the mood, to break the ice, and set a comfortable atmosphere to other people. He's still the same Jae.

Still the same Jae that I like so much.

-


	4. Chapter 4

**-Rae's PoV-**

"Something good happened today?" I asked him, his hands circling my body in a tight embrace on bed.

"Hm? Why, though?"

I lift up my head to look at him, "You can't stop smiling. You lifted me up in the air too when you just arrived. Something good happened? You had an important business meeting today, right? It went well?"

He smile wider, "I have a feeling we'll win that one, the meeting went very smoothly, but that's not the only thing that makes me happy today."

"There are more?" I smile to him too. He's so handsome smiling wide like that.

He's humming first before answer it, "I met an old friend today, unexpectedly."

I smile, moving myself to a better position so I can see his face to hear his story.

"The representative from the company that we'll make invest to is my old college friend back in America."

"Oh, wow, is that why the meeting went well?"

"The meeting will still go well even if the representative isn't someone I already know, Rae. Your husband is that great."

I laugh at his confident, always the same confidence from him. But yeah, he's good, acknowledge.

"We got reminisced of our college days after the meeting and it surprisingly felt so good. I told you that period of time was one of the best time of my life, right?"

"When you were doing music and performed from bar to bar?"

"Yeah, that friend is a friend from that time, so it felt good when we talked about those gold old days today."

"Like it's bring back your youth?"

"Exactly."

We're staring and I can't help but smile, then this words coming out from my mouth just like that, "I lowkey want to live in your college days, though. It sounds so fun everytime you talk about it."

He smile liking it, "If you were there with me Rae, it'll be double, triple, no, thousand more amazing."

"I envy you, to meet those people you treasured in your life. You always looks proud everytime you talked about them."

"They are really people who deserves to be treasured. They bring many good memories to me, just like you. You bring good memories to me too, you know?"

"Yeah, you told me many times." I smile and lean on to kiss him.

He kiss me back soft and deep, smiling.

"You want to meet them? I think I can arrange something to meeting you all."

"Really? I'd love to."

He nod his head, "I try something, then. I think it's possible."

"But all of them in Korea, right now?"

"Yes, all of them in Korea right now." He smile, wondering. "I need to meet them in person first, then I'll bring you together. I'll show you off to them, my beautiful amazing wife." He kiss me this time, touching my cheek and cup it in his palm. "How's your day? Another progress of the book?"

"Not much, but I did draw something." I nodded my head. "It's not easy. It went so smooth for the first book, but this time... a little hard."

"What makes it hard? In which part?"

"After released the first book, I realized that the most important thing for a children book is not the ilustration. Well, the pictures are important, but the message we try to convey to every child is what essential. The pictures should portray the message I want to convey, not the other way around."

"So you change your method of writing?"

"Now I pay attention to the message first."

"Hm..."

"I need to find an interesting plot too. And it has to relate to children nowadays."

"Will it help if you just write something about our baby?"

"Writing from an actual experience is really good, it will touch people more personally. There's a saying that goes 'the most personal is the most creative'. But I write for child who can read, which is like 5 or 6 years old. It will be more a good help if Haneul is around that age." I laugh.

"Ah, should've make the baby a little faster."

We laugh.

"But I'll go through it, it just a little hard and takes time."

"I'm proud of you. And the foundation? Any problem?"

"We're doing really well, surprisingly. A lot of good people help me running it, so it got it's rhythm now. Now we know what to do first to act faster after an unexpected disaster happened. We try to mapping and categorize the people who needs help too, to really reach out to those who really in need based on economical aspect." He staring at me deep, "We're working on it."

"I'm so proud of you."

I smile, "And Haneul is gain weight again today, he got 1 cm taller as well since the last health check."

"Ah, I really miss Haneul."

"Try to go back home more early. He will say 'mom' first if you keep missing to play with him like this."

He growl regretting it.

"But you've worked hard for us and our family, so it's forgivable. You did well at your job, and still manage to play with him on the weekend. I still forgive you. Don't sacrifice your weekend, okay? Haneul needs you."

"I promise." He move his thumb on my cheek, "But, only Haneul? What about you? You don't need me?"

"Of course, I do." I peck his lips, "I need you every night." I move on top of him and kiss him long and deep.

His hand get on my waist automatically.

"Every night?" He asked when we pull off, looking at me judgmentally.

"Every single time if possible." I lift up my hands and touch his face, hope he feel it that I also proud of him. "You've worked hard again today. Thank you, my husband."

"Kiss me."

I smile then kiss him hard. And soon our kisses become hotter, we're start to breath heavily, sighing, moaning. I feel his touch start to wonder underneath my sleep gown as our tounge involves the kiss.

"I love you so much, Rae." He whisper on my lips between our kiss.

I reply him with moan, loud. My back arching because he just grinding himself to me. But just when I start to unbotton his pajama, I hear Haneul's crying. My hands' movement stop, Jae's hands too, our kiss stop as well. We're staring at each other and just let out a soft laugh.

"Let me check on him." He try to wake up but I push him back.

"No, you're tired, let me do it." I get off of him, but just as when my feet touch the floor, Jae touch my arm and pull me back to lying on bed again.

He then move so fast to get off of the bed and run to the door, "No, you're tired too. Let me do it."

"Yaaah!" I scream in the middle of my laughing, trying to getting back up again and follow him who's laughing hard too now.

He open up the door, saying "We got it, Ahjumma." to the Ahjumma who help us taking care of Haneul, he still laughing.

I'm laughing too, following behind him, "You can go back to sleep, we got this." I said to her too. She kind of taken aback first witnessing our behaviour, but then she smile while shaking off her head.

I see Jae lifting Haneul up when I arrived at Haneul's room. I take a deep breath to steadying my heartbeat from the sudden running I did and lean on a wall to my side, watching him put the baby to his embrace, swaying his body and tapping Haneul's back softly in slow rhtyhm.

"Why~? Why you're crying~? Mom and dad are here, you have a bad dream~?"

Haneul's crying got quieter then as Jae keep swaying in constant rhythm.

"Pants. You gotta check his pants." I said, still leaning to the wall watching this warm scene in front of me.

Jae do what I told, "Nothing." He turn his head to look at me. "Did he heard our voices just then?" He whispered and looking at me in surprise.

I laugh without a sound, "Maybe? Seems like we were too loud?"

"We were just started, though." He whispered again sounds a little bit upset.

"Let's try again quietly after this. Really, try to not make a sound."

"Okay, in a bit." He then focus to calm the baby, moving slowly around the room, moving his hand on Haneul's back, sometimes tapping it in a slow rhythm, then humming a lullaby.

Now I lean my head on the wall too, smiling, savoring this happy feeling on my chest upon seeing them together like that. I love him so much. I love both of them together like that. I love this scene in front of my sight so much.

"It really suit you, Park Jaehyung." I whisper softly, try to not waking up the baby again because his crying has stop now and he seems back to his sleep again.

"What?" He said without a sound.

"Holding a baby, it suits you so well."

"Fortunately."

-

This place where Brian perform every Tuesday is loud with music already, the DJ killin' it and people already got hype on the dance floor because of it, but Lia's voice when seeing Jae smiling at us can beat all of that, I feel like my eardrum will explode just because of her screaming. She can't believe Park Jaehyung is here to having fun with us after work in the weekday like this.

"I bring a friend, is it okay?" Jae asked once he and his friend got to our table.

"IT'S FINE PARK JAEHYUNG. YAH LONG TIME NO SEE!" Lia still can't hide her excitement of seeing him again.

"This is really the true fans' reaction of seeing her idol again after a long hiatus." Wonpil said looking at his girlfriend with a shooking head.

Dowoon already laughing hard savoring this funny scene in front of him because it seems like a scene from the past.

"Yah, can I still hug you?" Lia asked hesitantly in the middle of her exciting feeling.

"What do you mean? Come here."

"Oh my god." Lia shifted to come to him with an unbelievable look before finally hug him, saying that she miss him, and pull him to the ground somehow to express her excitement mixed with her longing.

Jae laughing and greet the other, did some kind of fist bump or high five, even with Brian. Although they staring deep first before finally smile and did it.

"This is Sungjin, my close relatives, I was meeting him after like two years being separated when Hanna texted me you guys are hanging out here, so I just brought him here with me. I don't want to miss a chance to see all of you again. Is that okay if he join?"

Then we nodding our head and saying 'of course' to him simultaneously in a loud and chaotic way because our voices just overlapping each other while we try to do hand shaking or fist bumping with Sungjin to make him feel welcomed and comfortable to join us. Sungjin just laughing and nodding his head to reply this welcoming act, looks kind of taken aback a little bit because of our loud voices.

"You guys are loud and... full of energy." Sungjin said in the middle of laughter after we all sit and give him something to drink.

"It's the first time we're meeting each other again after graduated, that's why." Lia make excused.

"No, you always that loud. Always, everyday, everytime." I told Lia.

"Agree." Dowoon said with his deep voice, "Just wait until Sera comes, it'll be more chaotic." Then we laughing imagining it.

Sera is Dowoon's girlfriend, they were just classmate in our college days, never thought they'd be a couple when they got back here, but it happened and they looks good together. Cute.

"It's my first time after awhile too, going to club..." Sungjin kind of give some TMI about himself, his head roaming this place quickly.

"Where have you been?" Lia asked him jokingly but Sungjin replied her in a serious but nonchalant way with "Kenya."

All of us like shock and just staring at him in confused, don't know if he joking or what, but I end it with, "For real?"

Jae laugh and enjoying our dumbfounded faces that telling 'who is this weird guy who come to club again after been in Africa for long?'

Sungjin smile and nod his head, "Finally decided to live here for good."

"What are you doing in Africa all this time?" Lia asked in a curious tone, gasping a little.

"I... was live there? Just like you guys live here?" Jae laughing hard again, enjoying our shock expressions more, "And helping some people in the middle of that..."

We are surprised by his brief introduction of what he did there because it was a really good deed. We kind of enlighted, feeling amazed at his every words telling us a glimpse of things he done there. It was very... humanly. He's very human, with a good heart and good intention.

The conversation shift to the boys talking about their golden days in college, those moments they spent practicing music and performing on stage. Sungjin blending right away with their talking because surprisingly, he kind of played instrument too back then in high school, and gave a free performance too sometimes to the orphans when he lived in Africa.

And don't know exactly who mention it first, but they're suddenly standing from their seat and walking to the stage excitingly, including Sungjin.

"They are my friends, they usually glad if someone want to give a free performance here." Brian said right before they really walking further away to the stage.

I just looking at their back with a smile still paste on my lips dreamingly. Thinking about seeing them perform on stage again just like those old times already makes my heart beating harder in excitement.

"Yah, you did a good job for inviting Jae here tonight." Lia said suddenly.

"He asked me to tell him if we hang out together again."

"So you met him before this?"

I blink, got caught.

Lia smirking, "What is this? What the things I didn't know about you two? Did you met secretly?"

"Are you crazy?"

"Then what?"

"His company is a strong candidate to become an investor for us here in this country. We met coincidentally, I didn't even know."

Lia smile suspiciously, interesting to those unexpected meeting story between me and Jae, "Was it awkward? When the two of you finally meet again? Was that in serious atmosphere at the office?"

"We met in business meeting, it was really a bad timing."

Brian greeting the crowd and introduce himself, followed by people's cheering right away. Lia got taken aback by the cheering and lift her head to the stage, to their presence behind the instruments, already shining.

"Brian surely still got many fans, huh? Tonight is not even his schedule to perform but look, the girls stand up from their seat to the dance floor ready to see him up close."

"He's cool."

Lia look at me again, "You're not looking at Brian, Park Hanna."

Right, I'm looking at Jae. He already got his guitar, tuning it a little bit then smiling in the middle of Brian explanation about their presence there. Brian let all of them introduce themselves fast, people's cheering got crazier when it's Jae's time speaking.

"Wah, everyone know him too."

"He's a heir, and was a main hero in the legendary video that shook the entire business industry two years ago." Lia gasp suddenly, "I just remember that the scene on the video was happening here, omg."

I don't bother Lia's talking but absorbing their presence on stage instead. It feels like yesterday, when I was waiting for them to end their performance to working on our group assignment. Until I heard voices behind our back.

"Park Jaehyung is really something else. How can he up there with Brian? Where's Rae? Weren't they enemies back then? What is this?"

"Right, seems like he forgot Brian's mistake already."

"Isn't that crazy? How can he forgive him? He slept with his wife-to-be just two days before the wedding day."

"That's what I'm saying, why he's smiling like that? Why Brian is smiling without guilty like that?"

"Are they sharing Rae between them now?"

They are laughing but I'm so disgusted with their talking really. I want to slap or at least scream and told them to just leave, but Lia screaming loud before I can open my mouth.

"SO COOL! ALL OF YOU ARE SO COOL!"

She screaming it loud and the bar become a little quiet because of that, people turning their heads to our direction, taken aback. Brian's speaking got stop because of it, but then I screaming loud too, just like Lia did.

"YEAH DOWOON IS SO COOL TOO!" Another screaming heard.

I feel someone's presence behind me and found Sera who just arrived join our fanchant too. Just like those old days. We're looking at each other while everyone's still taken aback by our behaviour, and with a silence counting we did by eyeing each other, we're screaming again together.

"IF YOU'RE NOT PLAYING IT COOLLY JUST GET DOWN AND DO THE HOMEWORK NOW!!!"

Our special fanchant for them, from an old days. A gold old days.

Sungjin open his mouth, got surprised but then smirking excitingly.

-


	5. Chapter 5

**-Jae's PoV-**

"IF YOU'RE NOT PLAYING IT COOLLY JUST GET DOWN AND DO THE HOMEWORK NOW!!!"

I heard that clearly, loud, echoing through this place and it got me goosebumps. I'm surprised to hear those chanting again so I kind of freeze for like 3 seconds and just looking at them three there, now screaming enthusiastically from their seat. The people are in an awkward silence now because they just as shocking as me and kind of need time to process this, but Brian, being a performer he is, handle this situation in a chill way, joking it.

"Oh, who are those crazy woman over there?" He laugh, "Perhaps someone you know?" He look at us one by one, holding his laugh.

The others shooking their heads or shrugging their shoulders, Sungjin laugh and say, "This is my first time meeting you all, don't know them that much." denying the fact that he know those woman. When Brian finally lift up his eyebrow to me, I answer with a smile without a doubt, "I know them. They are really good friends of mine."

Those three woman screaming more excitingly, Lia say again, "AS EXPECTED, PARK JAEHYUNG!"

Sera adding, "MARRIAGE DOESN'T CHANGE YOU!"

People laughing because of that, this place's atmosphere got relax again, the next scene that happen is we start playing a cover of a well-known song, excitingly. Sungjin following our rhythm very well, and surprisingly skillful enough to do another song with us.

The atmosphere become bright in an instant, people jumping up and down on the dance floor, some of them dancing crazily while the other just jumping to the beat of synthesizer. Wonpil and Dowoon still got it with them. Brian's bass playing improved so much too, it's crazy. Crazily good and fun and exciting. It brings a wide smile on my face through the whole performance.

Gosh I miss this so much it's such a stress relieve after being busy with all of those business papers all day long. No, maybe in like 5 years. I never perform properly like this in like 5 years. Wow. This feels so good, freely, like I got my youth back, together with the same people from my past, same energy, same atmosphere, same excitement. Just Sungjin's presence right now that makes everything new. He's having fun too, at least. It pictured perfectly on his face, he's enjoying his guitar playing a little too much I think he forget he's a husband and a father now.

Just like me.

It hits me then, the difference.

That realization make this scene looks more like a dream, a crazy dream. At a certain point, my sight become blur. I see the crowd, to the people who still jumping up and down enjoying our performance, but they looks like fading away slowly. I swift my sight to our table, seeing those three girls having fun, seeing smile paste on their faces but it fading away too, this moment feel like moving in slow motion, the sound of this place is fading away too in my ear, feels like I'm drowning. It's nauseating, but in a good way. I close my eyes, savoring this feeling like those old times.

I like this feeling, I miss this feeling.

So I smile wide and jumping up and down crazily for the last time before we ending our performance. People's reaction is surprisingly wild, feels like our energy collide, unite. Still the best feeling ever, I can't stop smiling even after we're back to our table again, welcomed by thunderous cheering from the girls.

"You guys still have it in you, woah." Lia open her mouth.

"I mean, for Brian and Wonpil, I get it, they're still doing music everyday, but the others too? That was amazing!" Sera talking fast, exciting.

"For a brief moment I feel like I'm going back to our college days." Lia added and the others agreeing right away, talking and overlapping each other, still feeling the adrenalin rushing in their veins.

"Sungjin also can keep up with you, surprisingly. You just met each other, though." Hanna claps for him.

And I remember it again, this feeling of being adored by many people. The feeling when many people praising me, calling my name, want to be close to me, chasing me hoping I can be their lover. The feeling of being popular from doing something I like. Nothing can beat that amazing feeling. It's like a gift, I'm so lucky to be able to feel it again, better, together with the same people I felt it the first time back then. Such an honor. I can't wait to tell all of this feeling to Rae. Just like her who found this feeling when she releasing her book, I finally found it too. She's right, it's satisfying.

"When I heard that special chanting that you guys always said in the past, I got goosebumps, really." I said after the hype tone down. We're chilling down right now, sipping our drink one at a time, talking.

We jump from one topic to another, telling each other's activities now, updates to our life. Sera and Dowoon are thinking to tied the knot soon after watching my little family doing pretty good in two years. I laugh at that because Dowoon said he doubted that me and Rae can keeping this seriousness in the marriage for long as we're considered too young to be married. Lia and Wonpil are the opposite, they still not thinking about that yet, but I'm glad they keep in a good relationship after all this years.

I stare at Brian when it's his time to talk, he somehow see my eyes too then we smiling and shrugging our shoulders.

"So, just for confirmation, you two are good right now, right?" Lia asked bravely.

"Of course. I'm so fine now." Brian shrugged his shoulders once again.

"But still alone." Lia throwing a fact.

"Hey, I'm not the only one who's alone here." Brian then looking at her.

Her, Park Hanna.

"Don't drag me to this." She glares at him and he just laughing enjoying it.

"Just date each other." Sera said suddenly, Dowoon pinch her arm skin softly make her scream in painful. "Ah, why?"

I don't know why but I feel a little flinch in my heart.

"Hanna used to look at one guy only." Wonpil started.

"Do you have to mention about it, Kim Wonpil?" She smile scarily to him, warning him to stop.

"Why you mad? You said you got over him, there's no reason for you to be mad." Dowoon added.

"Okay, I'll completely lost." Sungjin letting out a soft laugh.

"Hanna used to like Jae so much, they were dating in the past, although it was the short one." Dowoon gave a brief explanation, but got another glare from her, "Why? If you're cool about it, then just talking about it coolly. That's the easier way to deal with it." Dowoon defending himself because she's still glaring at him wishing him to just shut his mouth off.

I'm smiling, "Right, just talk about it coolly, we're passed that talk already and agreed to back being friends again now. Just talking about it refreshingly, it was a good memory, though."

True, it was a good memory. It was my first serious relationship. Well, although the start and the reason I did it wasn't serious at all, but when we slowly did it, I realized I did it so seriously. When she said I shouldn't restrained my feelings, I really didn't restrain any of it, I released everything to her to the point that I think I really liked her. To the point that I tempted to keep doing it with her, a little bit more than three months. But if I asked that to her, I knew I'd be screwed. I might regreting that decision later when I come back here and meet Rae again. Because I know I will still wanting Rae, no matter what. I just gonna hurt her if I kept her back then.

It was a good decision to let her go. I have no regret, we can be friends again now.

Our gaze meet and I smile to her, but her expression kind of hard to read. Since we first met again in the meeting room, she avoided my gaze too much, and even after our awkwardness gone too, I still feel hard to read her expressions, to guess what she's thinking, her feelings, what she wanted. It was so easy back then, it radiated obviously through her eyes back then, because she always honest in everything she did and said back then. I can read her easily, like an open book, but now... she looks like someone who has many secrets in her. Feels like I should peel her layers one by one to really got what she really think or feel.

Is that how people get mature? By covering their true feelings for not hurting other people? To know what to prioritized and pushed unimportant feeling to the back?

Or is it just me? She might really got over me. And I should be grateful for that, right? Instead of worrying this matter like this.

I see her smiling before spinning the bottle. We ended up playing truth or dare now, without Sera and Dowoon, because they prefer to get loose on the dance floor instead. We already played several rounds, did some embarassing things like asking a phone number to a stranger, dance for 10 minutes with a stranger, calling random number from one's phonebook picked by the other, and so on.

The bottle stop spinning and pointed at her direction, makes everyone laughing at those stupid unluckiness.

"Because this is the last round, let's do something big as a highlight of this night. I dare you to kiss Jae." Lia suggested. She's drunk already, obviously. That doesn't-make-sense-talking just came out of her unconscious self.

Hanna's laughing, "Are you crazy?"

"Why?! Like Dowoon said, just do it coolly, it's just a game, though. We did it many times in the past." Her shoulders up, hands in the air. Lia staring at every one of us searching support from the other.

"She's not brave enough to do that, just think about another dare. Hanna never be brave enough to do something like that." Brian said mockingly.

"You think I'm not dare to do that?" She look at him suddenly, make him a little taken aback.

"Oooh, interesting." Sungjin's smirking, enjoying this. He seems too drunk to think properly, too.

"Obviously, isn't it?" Brian confront her.

I don't know why, but Brian always do that to her, mocking, teasing, and confronting her. Even in the past. They're so comfortable to each other even after separating for years.

I envy that.

"I just don't want to make him uncomfortable." She make excuse. She's creative making excuses now, unlike those old days, she was just accept it when they teased her about her feelings to me.

"Do you feel uncomfortable?" Wonpil asked me, clearly encouraging Lia's idea and Brian's confrontation.

I smirk, "Why asking me? It's her dare, she's the one who should decide it." I put my hands up in the air, giving a sign that I don't want to involve in this debate.

But then she turn her head and staring at me a little too long because of my sentence.

"Punishment's waiting for you, Park Hanna." Lia counting the bottles on our table, "How much all of these will cost?"

"Paying these isn't the problem here." Wonpil laughing soflty.

"I bet she can't do it, 10 bucks." Brian whisper to Lia.

"She'll do it, 10 bucks." Lia welcomed Brian's betting with an open arms, just like the old days.

Meanwhile she blink her eyes once and her gaze turn to more determined. She's looking at me. She's not that drunk, she can still thinking about it in a very clear mind. But she stand up from her seat followed by people's cheering surprisingly.

She come to me, lean closer still with those determined gaze on me, never leave my eyes even for a bit. "I'm the one who should decide?" She's smirking and without give me a chance to say anything, she kiss me. Her hands on both of my shoulders as her leverage.

The others cheering wild, I hear someone clapping happily, is that Sungjin? But that doesn't matter.

Because the moment our lips connected it's like an opening gate through a maze of memories. I kissed this lips many times in the past, and it still feel as sweet as I remember. Innocent, like a first love. Our moments just like appear in my mind right now, in a fast forward scenes. Smiley faces, sweet talks, kisses. A lot of kisses. The first ever girl I kissed with certain intensity, the first ever girl I poured all my feelings into. It really brings some kind of strange feelings, it taste like cinnamon, old but unique. And strong.

I realized that I just shut my eyes down and kiss her back, not even trying to hold it. But the moment she feel my kiss she pulled off and standing straight again, turn herself to them all.

"See?" She pointed out her forefinger to them one by one.

"We saw it weeelll." Wonpil and Lia screaming happily.

"I won't pay for this alone!" She joyfully screaming and laughing.

"I got 10 bucks!" Lia screaming as joyful as her.

"What kind of scene did I just saw?" Brian agape his mouth shockingly.

Sungjin is cheering too, enjoying this entertaining scene in front of him. I wish he won't say anything about this night to everyone. And Rae.

But what is this feeling I felt? I feel strangely... fine. I'm feeling fine. No guilty feeling, I feel okay, just fine. Should I feel like this? Is this the right feeling I should be feeling right now? Is it because it's just a game so that I feel relax like this? No guilty feeling at all.

Am I allowed to feel like this?

  
-

"How about you?" Jae asked after everyone's leaving. Not everyone though, Brian still here, we're standing in front of the bar after sending the others go home.

I turn my head to Brian and grinning. He sighing deep, nodding his head and closing his eyes.

"Of course." Brian said powerless.

"Just find a car quickly." Jae said again.

"I still don't know if I'd stay here for long. Maybe later. Besides, Brian's here for me."

"Yup." Brian put his hand on my shoulder, hug me from the side.

Jae smirk, "You used to asked me to take you everywhere, now it's Brian?" He laugh jokingly.

"Why? Jealous?"

He faking his laugh, I think, I don't know.

"Okay, go home safely."

We smile to each other for the last time and Jae leaving first. After I'm sure Jae is far enough from us, I hit Brian's ribcage, make him groaning right away in shock and pain.

"Why you made me kiss him?!" I asked in a sulky tone.

"It was not only me!" He run away fast from me to where his motorbike is parked, avoiding my other attack.

I follow him, running too, "Yah, come here, I'm gonna kill you first!"

"What? You're gonna kiss me first?" He run backwards to tease me fully, showing that playful grin of him before back to running normally.

"Yaaaaah stop right there!!"

He laugh and running faster, leaving me. Aish, he still a good runner, I never win him even for once. I almost dead when I finally see him standing beside his motorbike, holding a helmet for me, still with the same grinning face enjoying my bad stamina. I'm breathing fast and short, looking down my head to the ground with both hands on my waist.

"Running makes me get my senses back."

"Ey, you weren't drunk. If you're drunk you wouldn't pulled off your lips that fast from him."

I step on his foot annoyingly, he once again screaming in pain but then laughing mockingly.

"Want a cup of coffee first?"

I sigh deep, "Let's go."

"It was just a game, don't think about it too much."

"I'm not thinking about it." I glare at him before sipping my coffee. Lie. I'm thinking about it now, how Jae move his lips and kiss me back despite of feeling shock from my action. Did he close his eyes too?

"So you'll meet him often in the future?"

"If we choose his company, maybe?"

"Ah, it still not decided yet?"

"Not yet."

"You'll be in trouble if you can't control your feelings well."

I sigh long and loud, "I hate this situation. Maybe I should just go back to the states and reject this job if his company really become our investor."

"You think you can't handle it?"

"No, if you guys keep put me in that kind of situation. Can you just please stop? Me and him did a pretty good job when we unintentionally met last week. Now it'll be awkward again between us, thanks to you all."

"I think no. He was having fun tonight, did you notice his smile when he performed? He was reliving some stress."

"Ha always like that on the stage."

"Really?"

I piercing my eyes on him because I know he just teasing me again. He laugh then, give up finally.

"It feels good." He said while stretching up his body. "To be on the stage with familiar faces from the past."

"Except that Sungjin guy."

"Ah, he's good too. Great voice too. And handsome, can't believe he's married too. He seems like a good person."

"Of course, he did charity in Africa!"

He laugh, "That information is really unexpected, did you notice our faces when he said that?"

"We all got completely silent."

"Did you hear a crow passed by?"

I laugh too while imagining it, "It was really funny."

The atmosphere got peaceful again after we finally stop laughing.

"Do you ever thought about doing business again, Brian?"

"Once."

I look at him.

He sigh, "When I tried to holding Rae from leaving me and go to Jae."

I can't help my laughing, "Ah, sorry."

"No, it's okay. I'm fine now. You saw me get along well with him just then. We're good now. The feeling of performing together again beat the upset feeling I felt because of losing her after him. It's reliving."

"What about your parents?"

"They still trying to make me back doing business, but failed everytime." He smiling alone watching his Americano. "I'm fine, don't worry." We're staring.

"You're really... an amazing kid."

"Oh, flutter."

"Do you ever afraid about your life a little bit?"

"What should I be afraid of? I have everything." He smirking confidently again. "You know something I really treasure about my life? Freedom. Freedom to do everything I want. That... more than money, that's what I treasured the most." He staring at me seriously, "Do whatever you want to do, Hanna. Whatever you feel like to do, try first, if you failed, just try again. If you're not interested about it anymore, quit. Do other things that makes you alive again. Don't live a boring life. Your life is only for you anyway, as long as it's not a bad thing, why holding it back?"

"Just try first?"

"Right, just try first. You can decide the next step after that."

Silence.

"But it's not something bad, isn't it?" He asked suddenly makes me laugh.

"Asked by someone who did something really bad in the past..."

He sigh then look at the dark sky, "Okay, just do it first. Everything you want, you'll learn from it even if it's bad. I learnt a lesson too from it, so just experience it for once and be responsible after that."

I just chuckle alone. I'm not that reckless of a human, though. Like he always said, I have no braveness in me. Kissing Jae in a game is the strongest braveness I have. Hopefully.

-


	6. Chapter 6

I sigh in pleasure right when the scrub master start to scrub my skin on the back. I close my eyes savoring this feeling, hearing Lia laughing at my reaction. It's been a long long time since the last time I went to sauna in Korea. You know, sauna here is different, it's traditional and taste very nostalgic. The last time I went here was with my mom right before I moved to New York, so it brings back a little bit of my teenage years, when me and my mom scrubbed each other's back happily. And I still like the smell of nature when I step inside this place, it's so relaxing. I think I start to drifting away now.

"It feels so good." I mumble alone.

Lia let out a soft laugh again. "So you'll come back to America tomorrow?"

"My company decided to partner up with J Group, they will sign the contract there in our head quarter, my boss want me to assist every important person who's coming from J Group. I'm the representative."

"And you'll come back here again after that?"

"That... I'm not so sure, too. I'll tell you later about it."

The Ahjumma who scrubbing me tell me to turn around and lying on my back, interrupting our conversation. Silence creep in until we finish and wash ourselves under a warm shower. We clean up for awhile before go to one of the tub here, we choose the warm one first. 

We smile to each other as an expression to describe how good and relaxing this feels right now.

"How is it? Your wish to visiting this place has been fulfilled."

"Aaaah, I wanted to go here since forever, really. I miss this so much, it brings back my teenage years, the intimate moment with my mom. It'll be cool if my mom's here too."

"Ask your mom to come with you if you come back here again."

"If she's not busy, I will." I smile imagining doing this again with my mom just like an old days. "How's you and Wonpil?" I asked to change the topic.

"Suddenly?" Lia laugh before answer, "Good, we're good."

"You guys really together for such a long time, have you ever bored of each other?"

"Of course we had." She smile remember it, "We avoid meeting each other that often to maintain the feeling. It somehow works, after awhile we realized we miss each other, that's the time we should meet and hang out again, get all touchy again, you know what I mean?" She lift her eyebrows and smiling teasing me.

"Ah, dirty." We laugh.

"You need to find someone and experience it again, it's been a long time. It relieves stress, Hanna, trust me."

I groan.

"And looking how you kissed Jae yesterday, I think you're ready, you got over him, you're cool around him now. So find someone, you deserves it."

I sigh and get silence, "I don't know..."

Maybe Lia saw my act yesterday as an indication that I got over him, that I'm cool now about him, that I just treat him as an old friend of mine, but inside, I'm confused again. Because tasting his lips again bring this strange feeling to me. The memories of us become alive again when I came home that night, and suddenly I have the urge to try something dangerous. I felt Jae's lips moved and replied my kiss that night, although I pulled off right away the moment I felt it. But that little action makes me curious, what if I didn't pulled off? Would he kiss me properly? For once? And if we really kiss properly, would it lead to something else? Will I dare to do something else? Further?

And after the talk with Brian that night too, I think I can actually go further. A strange braveness filling me up inside. Brian's words keep playing inside my head, tell me to try first, do everything I want, be responsible after that.

Oh my god. 

It's so wrong. I shouldn't thinking about that, "You shouldn't made me kiss him." I said in wondering state.

Lia staring at me.

"I felt the strange braveness to go further after that night."

"Just do it, then."

"Yaaah!" We both laughing.

"I mean, after you really do it, you might cover in guilt so you'll get back to your senses and stop thinking about it for good. Really, just do it then forget it. Look at you now, you keep thinking about it, what if this what if that, what if I really do this, what would happen if I do that instead. It's wasting your time and energy. The one and only way to stop that is just do it. See what would happen, so you're not curious anymore. So you'll get your answer. Just try first."

I smirk, "You and Brian have the same craziness with your way of thinking, don't you know that? He told me similar thing that night, too."

She laugh a little, "I mean, it's a logical thinking."

"There's no guarantee he will go further, what are we talking about exactly?"

"But that's the point of 'try first'. You will know if he's in or not. You'll get your answer, being rejected is better than wondering like this, it's useless. Being bad is better rather than painfully holding back alone. Getting hurt after trying is better than hurting without you even trying. Well, you'd get hurt anyway. You're hurting already. Just try it once, everything you want, and get over it. Really finish it after that."

"I did that back then, Lia. I've done that."

"Yeah, and you're fine after that, for years, right? But now, you met him again, and feeling him again, just do the exact same thing then."

I shaking my head, "That's crazy. It will never stop, then."

We standing up to move to the cold water tub.

"He's married now, I can't do it like that again, are you crazy?"

She just smiling, "Keep wondering alone, then. Hold back as best as you can, then. You'll get through it if you strong, I believe in you." She touch my shoulder from the side, "Just know that I'm here for you. I don't mind if you're a bad girl doing a bad thing as long as you're responsible for what you've done later. Look at Brian. He did bad thing but everything's fine after that, he got his answer and can live in peace now."

I stare at her long and deep, thinking for awhile but then I shaking my head fast left and right to get rid of her words, "No way. You're crazy, I won't ever do that again."

She's laughing, "Of course, Hanna. You're a good girl, decision always on you." She shrug her shoulders.

-

  
**\- Jae's PoV-**

She turns to different person when she's working. Looking at her professional figure right there talking in serious state to many important leaders from her company somehow makes me proud of her. Well it's not something unexpected, she's a smart and intelligent girl even from back then in college, that's why me and Brian depended on her so much in many of our classes, but right now it feels more real as I can see it myself after we all experience a little bit more about real life. Real business, real deal.

We're done for signing contract and ready to leave while she's still busy escorting many VIPs, smiling so bright and answering their joking lightly. She still looks dependable too, I think that's why she chosen as their representative through our project in Korea this time.

I walk with 4 other people who accompany me here, we decided to have some little rewarding time to ourselves, a little celebration to successfully got this big project in our hands. We're heading to one of our room.

Hanna smile when she see us then bow, "This way, please." She escort us until we arrive in front of the elevator.

"We're going to celebrate this in my room, you can join if you want, Hanna." Said Hyesoo very casually, the others welcoming that invitation for her, smiling agreeing Hyesoo's idea.

"You're Korean, too. You must be familiar with this little tradition." One of the guy added, trying to be close to her.

"I might disturbing you..."

All of them shaking their heads saying no, overlapping each other. "More people, more fun."

Hanna smile then look at me, asking permission or suggestion.

"Not an obligation, but we'll be welcoming you if you want to join." I said in the end, because there's no reason to hold her to not join this.

She's staring at me a little longer than she should before smiling finally, "Okay, I'll follow your car."

Like that, she follow us along. We decided to go to karaoke room in hotel where we're staying, really having fun, really rewarding ourselves after our hard work. Hanna got along well with my people after did a couple songs. She's a person with bright personality to begin with, it never a problem for her to getting close with new people. Back then too, she always can break the ice with strangers she just met, always have something to talk about, to not make the atmosphere awkward and suffocating. She has many friends because of that, and she rarely disappoint people. She really is a good attractive person. And very loyal, too. She give as much as she take, always has an effort to make other people comfortable around her. Her smile sometimes light up other's day without she even realized it. She did that many times to me too back then, without she even realized it.

Ah, those old days...

She excused herself after nailed another song, the others still singing and dancing happily, not even thinking to rest for the night, some of them already loose down, drunk. I feel a little tipsy too, in a good way, so I excuse myself as well to breath some fresh air. I go to the balcony near the karaoke entrance and found her standing by the fence just looking at the sky and feeling the wind blowing her face, her chest moving up and down in the same pace of her breathing.

"Tired already?" I smile, standing beside her, looking at the sky too.

"I think I'm drunk already." She's blinking her eyes a couple of times. "Ah, how can I go home like this..." She grip the fence and kind of bend her body, put her head on it, straighting her arms and breathing steadily.

I stare at her long and say, "Just sleep at my room, then."

What did I just said?

Her breathing stop somehow before she take one really deep breath.

"You can take the bed, I'm on the sofa. It's dangerous to drive in your current state."

She's back to standing up, turn her head and smiling to me, "You don't have to say that just to be polite."

I laugh, "It's not just to be polite, I help you avoiding dangerous situation you might face if you force yourself to drive now."

Again, she's staring long again, now thinking it more seriously, she's blinking her tipsy eyes fast. "Okay, call." She turn back her head to looking at the sky again.

Then we broke into silence as I shift my attention to the sky too. Don't know why but the night sky's always looks prettier outside Korea, I can even see some stars shining out there.

"Jae..."

"Hm?"

"Do you ever regret what you did back then? With me?"

"Did what? Being your boyfriend for three months?"

She nodded and smile, "Have you ever wish that didn't happen instead? Because sometimes I feel like that. Sometimes I wish I never asked you that in the first place, I wish I wasn't brave enough to proposed that to you."

"Why you regret it though?" I smile remembering that times, I felt happy back then, surprisingly.

"Because we can still be friends normally if we didn't do that, we can still be friends without me disappeared from your life, without we lost contact then met in an awkward situation and awkward feelings to each other."

"We're not awkward, though. We're still good friends now."

She's chuckle then laughing soft, "Of course. Only me who feel that awkwardness...“ she mumbling alone to herself, close her eyes and bend herself again.

"I never regret it. It was fun, surprisingly."

Her breathing kind of stop again because I don't see her back moving up and down like before.

"It was one of memory I treasured in my life, I felt happy in those three months and my college life became more colorful, thanks to you."

Silence for awhile.

Suddenly she straighten up herself and look at me right into my eyes. "Can I use your bed now?" She blink, looks like she will pass out soon, "My head is spinning..."

I smile because I feel the same, so we back to the karaoke room and excuse ourselves to the others. We walk side by side, riding on the elevator in silence, she lean her head and body to the elevator wall until we arrived at my room's floor. I walk in front of her and she follow behind me, walking with a little shaky steps.

I look at her when I arrived in front of my door, looking her touch her front hair, comb it to the back with her fingers and lick her lips. She stumble beside me, trippin on her foot and I catch her hand in the right timing, but my head feels like spinning too so I touch the door with my other hand as a leverage to not stumbling with her.

Most of the things become so blur afterwards. I walk her to the bedroom but my surrounding really looks blur. I open the door, spread my hand to let her in while holding the door knob. She walks passing me I can smell her fragrance because how close she is to me, and I just realized that I hold her hand all the way here, so I let it go slowly as she walking further away from me to the bed. She walks in very slow steps but stop suddenly in the middle.

One second.

Two seconds.

Three seconds.

I only hear the clock tickling, the room is dark, and her back moving up and down slowly because of her breathing. Her breath is steady. Then she turn around to me, looking at me with her determined gaze while I confused alone. Confused but somehow nervous and curious of what she's thinking with that sparkling on her eyes.

I feel like kissing her.

What?

My head is spinning, she approach me very slowly, never leave her gaze at me.

"I just want to prove something..." She said very quietly, soft, more like a breathing. She standing close in front of me, still with the same dertermined gaze on me, put her hands on my shoulders then tiptoeing herself, lean on to me.

She put her lips on mine.

Very carefully.

The sound of clock that I heard before fading away, the blurry surrounding I saw before fading away as well. I close my eyes in reflex, my senses feel numb. I can't hear and see anything. It feels dark and quiet. I can only feel.

Feeling her soft lips on mine. Feeling her fingers skin on my neck skin. Feeling my head spinning as she move her lips to me a little deeper.

What is this?

I unintentionally move my lips too, starting to match her move, kiss her back.

Wait.

But my lips keep moving, I feel my head start to tilting to the side to feel her deeper on my lips. God, I'm dizzy. I realized my hands already on her waist when she pulled off and look at me deep with those tipsy eyes. Are my eyes look as tipsy as her right now?

"You were kissing me back too at the bar." She said still as a breathing, closer to me.

"I..." I don't know what to say, or think. My heart already beating so fast.

She kiss me again and I drowning in it once again. She taste so sweet, still. And I'm insane. What am I doing? She move us to the nearest wall, or am I the one who move us? I put the back of my head to the wall, breathing hard, let her exploring my neck, kissing and nibling on it.

God, this is wrong. I know it in the back of my mind but her smell is intoxicating, I can't open my eyes properly, and my hands only grip her tighter to me. She moving up again to kiss my lips once again and I loose myself completely. I kiss her senseless, hard. Our lips dancing to each other, just like back then. My head spinning and my blood running fast on my veins. I'm shivering.

Everything seems blur. Our heavy breathing overlapping each other.

We're on bed somehow, she start moaning on top of me, kissing me everywhere.

I cup her head up trying to get back to my senses, "We shouldn't do this." We're staring. I gulping down.

She's blinking, "Just this one time..." she's whining softly and kiss me again.

God her lips taste so good.

"Hanna..." She kissing my neck again.

"Please... just once... no one has to know. Just you and me, we're far from home, no one knows..."

I groan when she bite the skin around my ear. "I don't have a condom, I'm a married man."

She kiss me one last time before straighten up and get down the bed to her purse, searching something inside for awhile then put out one package of condom from it.

"All prepared." She smile at me then pull off her clothes fast, sitting on top of me again and back kissing me again.

I can't help but give in.

I can't think of anything, just groaning and moaning together with her, drunk on alcohol and drunk on her as well, just like the first time we did this back then. And she was indeed my first time, that's why I remember it so much, even until now. I didn't know if I wanted to feel her again after we separated, though. Because I never thought we'll meet again like this. I never thought we'll be in this position either after I met her that day. It must be the alcohol.

I blame it all on the alcohol when I push her on her back to kiss her skin everywhere, got her moaning as reward.

I blame it all on alcohol tonight. No one has to know.

-


	7. Chapter 7

I wash my face one more time then look into the mirror, staring at my own eyes. My sad pathetic eyes, feeling dirty about myself. I blink, make sadness radiates from them more obvious. I'm helpless. Although I can easily blame it all on alcohol, I still a shameless woman, begging someone else's husband to get laid with me.

I sighing deep, gripping the edge of wastafel hard, lift down my head and closing my eyes. I'm so nervous my heart beating so fast.

What was I thinking? I sucessfully forgot about Jae, though. Long time ago. But what did I just do? Slept with him? And more than feeling guilty for sleeping with someone else's husband, I feel glad instead. I'm scared of myself. I feel glad because Jae didn't reject me tonight. Of course it might be because of the alcohol taking over his sanity mind, but still I feel glad. I feel win over Rae. I know it's wrong, I shouldn't feel that way, I should feel guilty and bad. That's why I'm scared of myself right now. If I don't feel bad about this bad thing I just did, who knows what else bad thing I capable do in the future with him?

God, I'm afraid of myself.

I'm gulping down and get back to my senses, wipe my face dry with a towel then get out of the bathroom in silence, quietly, for not waking Jae up. The room still dark, just like when we arrived hours ago. I clean my stuff that scattered on the floor caused by hurriedly searched for a condom, putting all of it back inside my bag slowly, very quietly. I grab my blouse near the table lamp but got distracted by Jae's white shirt after that. I looking at it long, freezing. Then without really understand what I'm doing, I grab the shirt too and put it inside my bag as well.

I put on my blouse fast, then my skirt, looking myself on the mirror for the last time while combing my hair with my fingers then walk away. I look at Jae's peaceful sleeping face once again before really closing the door and get out of here. I walking fast to the elevator that arrive right away, going straight to the basement, walking fast nearly run to my car, get on, turn on the machine and leaving this place.

I drive fast for like half an hour but then stop in the middle of the street. I stop and just breathing hard and deep. I looking up the street in front of me but I don't really see anything, my gaze is empty, my mind feels like not thinking anything. Should I thinking about something? I don't understand myself. I don't even think about getting caught by his wife, or other people. I'm so calm. And that's what I concerned about, make me stop my car.

Why am I so calm about this?

I try to avoid Jae the next morning. We have morning flight to Seoul along with his other employees and some of my officemates, too, and I try hard to not talk to him privately without other people around us, I avoid us to talking about last night. I hope Jae doesn't remember it, but I doubt it. Or do I want him to remember it?

I'm so pathetic.

And yes, I still be working in Korea until this project release, to assist many things both parties needed. I am my company representative, and I hate this position now, for the first time in my life. I feel like I'll meet Jae often because of this, and I'm afraid the more and intense we meet each other, the more braveness appear within me to be close to him. Oh my god, I really bad.

My effort to keep avoiding him come to an end when I found out that he's sitting beside me on the plane. Damn, what's the use of avoiding him just then if we end up sitting beside each other like this? I sigh and look around, searching familiar faces from our group.

"Don't, just sit here." Jae said then, feeling what I'm planning to do: try to change my seat with someone else.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

He look at me in the eye, searching for something I don't quite sure what, "No, I'm good. You want to take the seat beside the window?" He picking up my luggage, help me put it inside the container.

I prolong my answer to investigate his feelings by his expression, he seems cool about last night, though. Or is he really doesn't remember anything about it? Or are we pretending to not remember it at all, now? Pretend that we didn't do anything so don't speak a thing about it?

"Hanna?"

His voice calling my name brings me back to current state, but all I can think is how his voice saying my name again and again breathlessly last night, controlled by the alcohol.

I'm gulping down, "You can take it, you always like sitting beside the window." I move aside and let him get inside first.

He look at me and open his mouth to say something but he change his mind, close it again then just nodding his head before he sit on the seat beside the window. I sit beside him after that.

We both get silence through the take-off. I feel the awkwardness linger between us but not long after, he start to speak.

"About last night..."

I get intense, holding my own fingers, moving it between them nervously, my head is looking down, not even dare to look at him.

"It happened because we were drunk, right?"

Of course.

So he remember it.

"You were drunk, I was drunk, it doesn't mean anything."

I lick my lips. Of course. It really doesn't mean anything. But there's this strange feeling in me that hoping the opposite. God, I'm so bad, what's wrong with me, really? It hurts, hearing he said it easily like that. Did he even think about last night a little seriously? Did he ever think about me a little bit more seriously? Even back then? I guess all about me is easy for him, especially now. Right? Because I literally nothing to him now. He shouldn't waste his time and energy to think anything about me seriously, including last night. So what am I doing exactly?

"Of course." I replied him.

But he's right. I should be nothing to him now, he has beautiful wife and precious son with him now. I shouldn't be hoping for anything else from him.

"I'm sorry..." I brave myself to look at him, surprised at his confused expression too.

"I was the one who brought you to my room, though. I'm the one who should say sorry."

He remember, then. We were not that drunk, then.

"But I was the one who started it."

He smile, "Right. But it was all because of the alcohol. Can we agree to that?"

I nod my head.

"So let's not mention about it again? And not be awkward again?"

How can he easily let it pass just like that? Seems like I really am nothing to him. Was I nothing to him too, back then? When we were first did it, that night, was I just a girl who he would get rid of so he just did it and easily got over it?

"Can I ask something first? For the last time? I won't mention about it again after this." I whispered while staring deep at him. I might sound so pathetic right now.

He just blink nervously. I know he's nervous because his jaw clenched, a little, but I notice it.

"Back then, when we first did it... do you remember it?"

"Hanna..."

"I swear I won't mention about it again after this. I just curious."

He sighing deep and laid himself to the back seat, glancing at the window.

"After that night, did you just forget about it easily like this? Did it just doesn't mean anything like this, too?"

He think for a second before looking down, "No. I remember it." He look at me then, "You are my first, how can I forget that?"

You are my first, too. I told you that, too.

"You regret it now? I asked you many times before we did it, I wanted you to be fully sure about it."

I smile, "No, I was completely sure." I nodded my head, "No regret even a little bit. It had to be you. That time, it had to be you. If I get a chance to turn back time and be there again, I still gonna do it with you. Even if I knew that you will reject me in the end, I will still choose you, I still want to do it with you. It really had to be with you."

I hold my tears as much as I can.

"Because I liked you so much."

He got silence.

I lick my lips and smile just so that I'm not crying, "Glad that you remember it. I just curious about it."

He turn away, looking at the window again.

I sigh deep very quietly, "So let's not be awkward again. What happened in New York, stays in New York."

He stare at me. His face looks confused again, and hard to read. What is he thinking now actually? For the first time in my life, I see his doubtful eyes, no determination like he always show to me.

"I still hoping you to meet a better guy than me, Hanna. I... was sincerely wishing that for you, that night."

That night.

The night that much colder than any winter night in my whole life. I was crying so hard in Brian's embrace that night. The cruelest rejection I've ever received from him. Because he did it after gave me a lof of happy moments for three months, deceived me, made me think that he felt the same with what I felt back then, made me think that he would accept me finally. But no. He cruelly rejected my for the last time. Really ended it all.

"And I still hoping the same, now."

It hurts.

"I always feel sorry about what I did, you know. You're a kind person. You always be a kind person to me. You're beautiful, and I hope you meet someone as beautiful as you. I was happy too back then. It was an amazing three months too, for me."

I blink, looking at him in the eye.

"Thank you for brought it to me. But now... let's not be awkward again about it. We have many things to working on together."

I smiling and nod my head, "Of course. Sure."

We try to be less awkward for the rest of the flight by talking about work, and our friends. It kind of work and we did talk more comfortably after that.

He sleep after some times, and I decided to check some movies to watch out of boredom, I can't sleep. I choose one that I never but want to watch for a long time already. I got immersed halfthrough the movie and not realized that Jae has woke up and looking at my screen too.

He tap my shoulder, makes me take off the headset from my right ear and look at him after pause the movie.

"They're not gonna make it to the nearest island."

I open my mouth, agape. Then I frowning my forehead, "What? Did you just spoiled the ending??!" I kind of scream a little in annoyance.

He laughing excitingly.

"Why you do this to me? I really want to watch this movie since forever and finally got the time to do it, but you just..." I sigh. "You ruin it just like that!"

He still laughing, "You still that upset if someone spoil the ending of a movie to you?"

"Yah, it's not funny!" I take off both of my headset, "Wah, this country really should have some legal punishment for people who spoiling the ending of a movie around. It's unacceptable and is an annoying act, really." I talk so fast to him because of the upset feeling I feel suddenly, "Now how can I watch the rest of the movie now? I knew the ending already, aish."

"Yah, don't curse!"

"It's because of you!" I try to not raising my voice to disturb other passangers, but this guy beside me really asking me to hit him once, at least. "You can just shut your mouth and not bothering me until I finish it." I get sulky.

He finally stop laughing, "Sorry, then. I was bored and I watched this movie already, so I can't help it. How about watching something else together? The one we both not yet watch?"

I gritted my teeth, still upset. I chuckle but then give up, "What movie do you want to watch?"

I let him choose. He pull up the armchair between us to be able to sit closer to my side and choosing the movie. I give him the headset from my left ear after he play a movie that I don't know. He move closer and we end up watching it together, like he said. Getting immersed in the movie after awhile, really forgetting the awkwardness between us because of the movie, completely act like best friends naturally, commenting and laughing here and there at the scenes, together. Just like those old times.

Well, I try hard. His cologne is distracting.

But I survived, until we land on Incheon airport.

"So, see you guys on..." He's thinking.

"There's no fix meeting schedule, though. You can inform us later if you have something to discuss with us, we'll arrange the meeting, then." I smile to him.

He nod, "Right, see you all soon, then."

"We still rent the same building as our temporary office here, fyi." I said again before we say goodbye to each other and parting.

People leaving one by one, and Jae ask again, "With Brian or a cab?"

I laugh a little, "A cab is faster."

"Alright, be careful."

I smile then turn around, leaving him, walking to the exit, to the taxi pool. Right after I'm outside, I see a familiar face walking to my direction. I blink.

It's her, Rae. Jae's wife.

She hold their baby in her embrace, smiling and walking in light steps inside. For like a second, everything around me feels like stopping except her. For like a second, I can't hear anything.

I gulping down, force myself to not turn around, but I lost the battle with myself right away. I turn around and look at them. At their happy faces when see each other. She run a little to approach him then hug him as much as the baby allowed them to, give him a peck on the lips. He grip her waist and smiling wide at her I can see his pocket cheeks, then at the baby. He take the baby to his embrace, let his wife take his luggage instead. He kiss the baby several times and lift him up in the air, make the baby laugh before they finally start to walk.

I breath hard then, closing my eyes for a full second before get on the nearest taxi from me. I finally can hear everything again. I take a really deep breath before telling the driver my address.

It hurts. Why it hurts like this?

-

  
**-Jae's PoV-**

I'm playing with Haneul right now, but my mind fly to other place.

Is she okay?

Just that one question that keep bothering me from the moment we separated at the airport a couple hours ago. I shouldn't be worried about her anymore, though. She's stronger now. She's not a crybaby like back then. Or is she crying right now too?

No.

There's nothing to be cried about. It's just me being overthinking about her. But I really should do something to distinguish this bothering feeling, and I can't thinking of any other way rather than calling Brian, asking him to comfort her, just like he always did in the past.

Haneul smile and lean his hand at me, so I take it, gripping it in my palm while I'm waiting Brian to answer my call.

"Are you... busy?" I asked after I heard his voice.

"Well... just doing something at the studio, as usual. Why? Want to meet?"

"No, not me, but..." I playing Haneul's hand on my fingers and he laugh because of it, makes me smiling too at him, "I think you should check on Hanna."

Silence for awhile.

"Hanna? Why? You both just came back from New Yourk, aren't you?"

"Yes, and... just..." I gulping down, "I think she needs your companion..."

"What happened?"

"Just come to her first, I'll tell you later." I feel him frowning his forehead.

He sigh, "What happened again between you two..." He mumbling to himself, "Alright, I hang up first."

"Thanks."

He disconnect the call after chuckled once. I look at Haneul who is smiling at me all the time. I take him and tickle his belly a little until he let a loud laugh, resonates through the house.

"Why? What happened with Haneul?" Rae comes running from our bedroom.

"Look..." Then I do the same thing I did before, make him let a loud laugh once again.

She sigh in relief, but then smiling at us, "I thought something bad happened."

I just laughing with Haneul.

"But, jagiya... why is there only 2 shirts on your bag? I packed 3 for you though."

I blink, "Only 2?"

"Hm."

"Did it left at the laundry...?" I mumbling by myself.

"You used laundry service?"

"Hm."

"Ah, so I don't need to wash it again, then. Thanks." She smiling happily.

"I forgot to check on it again..."

"Alright, it's okay." She nodded her head and leave me with Haneul again.

I brought 3 shirts?

I sigh and touch my hair, comb it to the back with my fingers, I lick my lips, trying to remember something from that night. But I still can't remember anything other than Hanna's face and body underneath me, god. I'm so messed up.

I wake up alone too. She's gone already, not even a piece of her clothes lying there at my room.

Something snap inside my mind.

Did she took my shirt?

Did I really brought 3 shirts?

-


	8. Chapter 8

**-Brian's PoV-**

"What are you doing here?" She said right after she see me behind the door of her house.

She's obviously crying before I came. I chuckled, then sighing deep.

"Can I come in?"

"No." She move fast to close the door but I'm faster to hold it. She turn her head away from me then.

I touch her hand, grip it on mine and take it away from the knob so that I can push the door softly to let myself in. I see her jaw clenched, holding her tears.

Why in the world she's crying again? And why Jae knew about it?

Without her permission I hug her. She's still avoiding me but after awhile, she turn her head and burry it on my chest, burry herself in my embrace and start to cry again. She circle her hand around me and cry harder. I stand still, take it in, pating her back softly.

My heart breaks everytime I see her crying. That time too, she cried so much back then too, like this. I can feel her sadness and frustrating feelings everytime I see her cry.

"Aigoo..." I sigh deep and touch the back of her head because her crying just got harder instead of slowing down.

Only the sound of stirring spoon filling this house, there's not even a tickling sound of a clock. The clock is digital so it's very quiet now, it's not make any sound at all.

I sigh before take two glasses of tea in both of my hands, I come to her who curling up into a ball on her sofa, a blanket wrapping her legs tight, her back completely lean on the sofa, her knees bending to her chest, her hands behind the blanket around her legs. She's not really seeing anything eventhough her eyes are wide open, just wondering the space in front of her. I bet she's not even thinking anything right now.

She looks so messed up.

"Tea, your favorite one." I said while put the glass on the table in front of her.

But she's not bothering it, just blinking and staring at me without even trying to respon to me.

"How about chicken for dinner?" I asked, sit beside her, leaning the side of my head on the sofa too to be on the same level with her. To be able to look at her.

My heart breaks looking her like this. Saw it once doesn't mean I can used myself to this, really.

"Or you want to go out and eat samgyeopsal?" I whispered, "Or jajang? Tteokbokki? Or steak? I can afford a steak for you now."

But she's not moving. Just blinking her eyes a couple times and looking back at me.

"Hanna..." I touch her hair that about to fall on her face. "If you not answer me at three I will kiss you." I lean on my face closer, "One. Two. Three."

I really kiss her.

I hope she will scream at me, or hit me just like she always did in the past when I steal a kiss from her, or at least move from her position, but she just blinking her eyes at me.

"I slept with him." She said in the end.

I gulping down.

"We were drunk."

"So? You feel guilty that's why you're being like this?"

She lick her lips, "Strangely, I'm not feeling guilty at all."

"Then why you're being like this again?" I wipe a tear that fall from the edge of her eye with my thumb.

"I'm sad, that's why I cry."

I take a deep breath and sigh. "And what make you sad?"

"I saw him with her, together with their baby... at the airport... happily." More tears fall.

The scene in front of me really devastating. And there's nothing more I can do except being with her here, wiping her tears that keep falling slowly on her cheeks. I can't do much because I've been in this situation, too. Different than being rejected by someone you love, seeing your love ones smiling happily with someone else is much more painful. It's like hundred, no, thousand times harder than being rejected. It's sad. No words can describe this devastating feeling properly. I know, because I've been there before. And no matter how much people help to comfort you, being there with you, and cheer you up, you still be sad until you can confront the feeling yourself. Until you accepting it, until you move yourself with your own will, nothing can be able to make you function as you are again except yourself. I know, cause I've been there.

I know my presence here not much helping for her, I know nothing much I can do to her right now. But I just don't want her to be alone. Maybe if I distract her enough, she will finally move. Maybe if I bother her enough, she will back to herself a little bit.

"How about patbingsu?" I asked after her tears stop again.

She gulping down, "Ramyeon..." We're staring.

"Okay, ramyeon." I sit straight then standing right away. Walking to the kitchen fast and take a pot, fill it with water.

I boiling the water then open up and close down the cabinet searching for ramyeon, take two, open it, and waiting the water boiled while looking at her. She move herself finally, she throw away the blanket from her then standing up from her position to come to me, sitting in a chair just in front of me, in front of the touch screen stove that still boiling water.

"Jae sent you here?" She asked very softly, quietly.

"Yes, but don't take it sentimentally. Jae sent me here to keep you company doesn't mean he care for you that much."

"What does it mean, then?"

But I can't answer that, I don't know the answer too. Maybe Jae better act cold to her instead. Maybe being friends and act cool to each other doesn't work. Maybe they just shouldn't meet each other ever again.

"You know Jae. Just being a good guy he is." Maybe he better stop being a good guy for once, for this case. His marriage might get affected too.

I put two noodles inside the boiling water, then the soup base before I close the lid. I turn around and take a frying pan, put it on another stove. I take two eggs and oil, spread it on the pan to make an eggyolk.

"Should I just go back to New York?"

I sigh, "All decision on you, Hanna, always. But for me, I think it's better to just confront it. Confront it until you can accept it."

"That's what you did."

"Exactly." I flip the egg on the pan then checking on the ramyeon. "Avoiding it just do for awhile, you'll feel like this again later. And it will keep going on and on in circle. Until you can accept it."

I stir the ramyeon with chopstick for awhile then turn off the stove, I close the lid again before put the pot in front of her. I finish the eggyolk after that, then join her on the table.

We eat in silence.

No, more like she eat while thinking my words while I give her space to sort her mind by herself. Because the point of this recovery is all must come from within herself. She need to have a strong will to move on and that must come from within herself, not from other pople telling her to move on. And to that process of finding her strong will, no one can predict how long it will take. Two things can help her, as me and Rae once talked about: time or someone new.

Distraction from someone new might be the biggest help, that what happened with Rae, too. Jae came to her just in perfect timing when she was crumble because of me.

I look at her then remember something, "If you're thinking about what I said the other day, Hanna, please don't do that. This isn't right. You can't start anything again with him. That's a bad thing. You shouldn't even try in this kind of case."

"Why? You said as long as I can be responsible after that..."

"Then how you will responsible after this? What if their marriage break? Are you gonna responsible for it too? They have a child."

She's staring at me.

"Jae was drunk when he did it, it doesn't mean anything."

"But he remember it, he wasn't that drunk."

"Maybe, but then what? He told you he enjoy it? What did he say after that?"

She's looking down. I know Jae is still in his sane mind. He loves Rae so much. What he did with her is purely just a mistake. Just alcohol taking over his sanity.

"I'm sorry, Hanna. Eat, please."

She sighing deep then start eating again slowly, not speak anything anymore. I don't want her to blame herself either, what should I do? What can I do to help her?

-

Brian's words are right. He always right, every little words came out of his mouth are right. It might be cruel and painful but those honest words are right. I shouldn't think about trying in the first place. I did it once and failed. Jae never gonna move from his place, he loves Rae so much, from the very beginning. There's not even room for any other girls, not even me. I shouldn't even think about trying to turn his heart. That's bad, Brian is warning me.

I know. I understand now.

But I want to see him soo much it makes me crazy. I want to see him even just to discuss about work, I want to hear his voice, his critical thinking and I want to smell his cologne again. I want to laugh with him just like we did while we watched movie together on the plane. I want to talk about something, discuss about something, so that I can see his expression changes.

But there still no meeting schedule with his company yet. The project still at the preparation stage, still fixing many things before we can really do a mini trial. And I heard that his company is doing good so far, so they don't need to be assisted too much. So my works got easier, but it means that I have too much times to think about him.

I force myself to not wondering about him, but all just not working out. I keep remembering our times in New York, I remember him and Rae at the airport, I remember him from my past, and everything just like reminds me of him. It tortured me. It makes me gloomy all day that my team mates think I am sick because my face looks kind of pale and I walk weakly and unmotivatedly.

I sigh for like a hundred times already, looking at my clothes hanging in my closet, thinking how I survive going through another empty day in agony like this. Somehow my sight stop at his white shirt. His shirt that I took after that night we did a mistake. I blink and touch the fabric, soft. I grab it unknowingly then I put it on me, seeing my reflection on the mirror while my hands buttoning this shirt one by one.

Am I miss him this much that I ended up wearing his shirt like this? Why do I have to be this pathetic, really?

And even after wearing his shirt all day long, I still missing him like this. I really need to do something. The hardest part is when I should act like I'm fine in front of my colleagues while the truth is I'm dying inside. My body might function just like usual, but my brain is not. My brain is in a mess, my heart broken here and there. I want to rest for a week, or two. Or just forever and erase my memories of him if I could.

Something bumped my body hard, very sudden. No, it's someone. I got blank too much that I didn't pay much attention to my surrounding. Someone just walked fast and unintentionally crashing me who just got off of the elevator.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." She said in panic.

I'm fine though, except the burning feeling around my left wrist, because her hot coffee just spilled out of her hands on my left hand caused by our sudden crushing.

"Oh my god, what should I do... I really am sorry..." She pull out tissues from her purse and wipe my left hand, drying it up to my wrist. She's touching the inside of the shirt around my wrist, trying to clean a little stain of coffee there too.

"I'm okay, just leave it, I'll do something about it at home."

She stop her movement suddenly, not because of my words, but because she found something that gets her attention to the shirt, I feel her touching and see her folding the fabric softly a couple times. She's moving her thumb inside it then, feeling and seeing something that looks familiar for her. I just frowning my forehead.

Suddenly she lift up her head and that's when I feel my heart like stopping for a second. I just staring at her, act nonchalant outside, but already freaked out inside.

It's Rae.

Jae's wife, Rae.

What is she doing here in this building? Why she walking to me at this time when I'm wearing Jae's shirt like this? Why did she crashed me and spilled off her coffee at me? Did she noticed this shirt? She looks kind of taken aback after touching the shirt, and when she take a better look at me, she looks confused because my face surely is foreign to her.

I keep act nonchalant then just smiling a little before excuse myself.

I walk so fast and after I'm sure I am far enough from her, I touch the shirt around my left wrist where the stain is, I folding it too just like what she did and feeling the inside of the fabric with my thumb.

My heart feels like skip a bit.

I feel some kind of initial of Jae's name there on the tip of my thumb, PJH, tailored on the inside of this shirt, around the wrist. I really want to check if I can see the alphabet with my own eyes but I feel some kind of strange feeling of being followed, so I start to walk again, fast.

I spot Brian on his motorbike already waiting for me so I fasten my steps, take the helmet he handed for me and put it on, get on his motorbike fast without saying anything to him.

My heart beating so fast and I'm nervous now. Did she noticed it? That's why she lifted up her head to look at me?

What if she really noticed it?

-


	9. Chapter 9

**-Rae's PoV-**

Who is she? Why is she wear my husband's shirt then get on Brian's motorbike? What did I just see? That's Jae's shirt I am 100% sure. That special feature in his every shirts can't be wrong. I know it, I touch and see it everyday.

But why is that girl wearing it? Where did she get that? Who is she? Brian's friend? Acquintance? Family? Who? What her relation with Jae? Why Jae's clothes is on her?

What is this?

I'm so confused and nervous. My heart beating like crazy right now, but I try to untangle it slowly and something snap in my mind. Jae lost one shirt recently. I take a deep breath and close my eyes to recall my memories when he lost it. It was not long ago, though. I remember I asked him about it, because I packed it for him before he went to New York.

New York.

That business trip, when he sign an important contract in New York. He said he might left the shirt at the laundry, but he wasn't sure either, he forgot about it.

Is it that shirt? The one who left out in New York is wore by a girl whom I don't even know?

She left with Brian. She's with Brian. Brian is Jae's friends from his college days. Is she Jae's friends too? Was she, I don't know, somehow been there in New York with Jae? What is this?

This is bothering me so much. Should I just ask Jae about this? Should I find some more informations first on my own? From where? Where should I start? She left already before I got the chance to talk to her. She left with Brian.

Brian.

I standing up from my sit and walk fast to the basement. Never thought I'd be seeing Brian again after a long time in this kind of situation, but I need to confirming something. I need to confirm something, and he better give me the answer. Because I feel kind of uneasy now.

I call Jae, put an ear bud on my left ear, then back to gripping the handle.

"Jagiya, I think we need to postpone our dinner tonight..."

"Ah, why?" He whimpering, sounds cutely.

I smile a little hearing that, "I'm sorry, something urgent happen at the office."

"Why? Something happened with the foundation?"

"Not that serious but I need to... presence for awhile now, so..."

"Okay, I got it."

"Don't wait for me, just eat your dinner first okay? I'll tell you the detail later when I'm home."

"Okay, Rae, sweety, be careful when you drive home. You should eat too, okay?"

"Okay, babe. I love you."

"I'll wait for you okay? Don't go back home too late, love you too, Rae." I hear Haneul's voice crying in the background and I laugh, "Gotta go meet my hero, bye sweetheart." He disconnect the phone call then.

And I'm smiling like some stupid high school girl who just received a sweet talk from her crush. I still feel like this around Jae, strange. I never get bored or tired of his sweet talk and caring act. I thought that kind of thing was cringy before I met Jae, but he change all my concept about being romantic. It's not cringy, it's being romantic, he said.

And I believe.

Just like I always believe every Brian's words he said to me back then. Oh, god I shouldn't be thinking about him right now.

But this might be the first time I meet Brian again after like two years. Am I too excited?

I park my car not far from his house he rent with Wonpil. I went here a lot back then, I went to his room a lot, hang out in his studio a lot, too. Listening to his music a lot, seeing him working on a song until it complete and ready to be sing by some idols or indie artists he friends with. Am I still allowed to feel familiar about this house?

I sigh and just about to press the bell when the gate suddenly open from the inside.

She's still with him, that girl still with him, standing beside him close and now she wear his jacket on top of my husband's shirt.

-

  
**-Brian's PoV-**

What a surprise.

Rae is here, standing in front of my place, taken aback by what she see. Hanna. She taken aback to see Hanna beside me. Hanna told me already, about their coffee incident, but I never thought Rae will really come here right away like this.

Hanna looking down her head in reflex, her thumb and forefinger are moving frantically to one another, a little sign that she's nervous. I learnt it from a long time ago. She's not change at all.

"We met before, right?" Rae looking at Hanna intimidatingly, right off the bat. That's Rae, a rude heir from a very famous company in this country. Nothing seems to frightening her, that's what people see on the outside. But on the inside, it completely different story, only very limited people knows, even her parents find it hard to keep up with her, but I knew it. I knew a lot of it, two years ago.

Right now? I'm not so sure.

Maybe she's happy with Jae now, maybe Jae change her that much, maybe Jae distinguish all of her frustrated feelings about life.

"Yes..." Hanna lift up her head and shifted herself a little closer to me.

Now she's afraid of Rae. She's afraid of getting caught wearing Jae's clothes underneath my jacket she's wearing right now.

Rae smiling and tilting her head, looking at us back and forth then thinking for awhile, "Your girlfriend?" she asked me.

If only Hanna is really my girlfriend, everything might be get so much easier for everyone, I smirking alone, but... something snap.

Wait.

If Hanna is my girlfriend...

I look at her fingers that still moving frantically, then to Rae's face who waiting my answer very curiously. My brain working and thinking so fast then a decision just popped out in front of me, showing a little way out to break this ugly situation.

I take Hanna's hand, stopping the moving of her fingers and hold it softly in my palm, "Yes, she's my girlfriend." I turn my head and found Hanna biting her lower lip now as I stop the movement of her fingers. "She's Hanna, my girlfriend."

Hanna finally look at me. And she got my signal and playing along with me, greeting Rae, then they exchanging an awkward handshake.

"Wait for me inside, I'll take you home after this." I whisper to her, she's staring at me like she asking for help, for not saying anything about Jae or his clothes or anything about he and her in New York. "It won't be long." I peck her lips fast make her frowning a little before finally get inside.

We played an act like this in the past, often. To fooled me or Jae's fans who sometimes became a little extreme chasing and following us.

I escort Rae to sit on one of the bench in our front yard, want to get something for her to drink but she refused.

"Glad to know you have someone now." Rae started.

"I only have two options: let the time comfort me, or let someone new comfort me. It took me long but I finally open up to second option."

She look at me, "Time... couldn't help?"

I groan silently while thinking the best answer, "It's 'time', you know. We can't try hard enough if it's about time because no one knows, and I feel like it would take sooo long to really distinguish you if I only depend on time, so I started to open up myself for someone new."

"Glad to know that." We're staring, "She's pretty."

"Yeah, she always pretty."

She got silence and just looking at me after hearing that. Her face showing some... what? Upset? Jealous?

"How did you two met?"

"She's my friend, from the past, she just got back here from America."

"Oh... America where?"

"New York."

She blink and straighten up her back.

"She's still not decided yet to really come back here for good, so..."

She mumbling 'interesting' alone, now thinking hard, too.

"What do you want to talk about, though?"

"Is she... a friend from your college years?"

I know where is this conversation going, and lying about it will not make any good, so I just nodding my head, answer her questions just as it is.

She stare at me while thinking seriously. I can kind of predict what's her question next, but I'm just going to wait, I'll follow her. I will only tell what she's curious about, not gonna say something out of her will without she ask me first. I don't want to worsen this situation. It's better to keep Rae away from knowing too much about Hanna and Jae.

"She's friends with Jae too, then?"

But Rae is unstoppable, just as she is. She would get what she want and curious about, and she can get it easily. She's Rae.

"We were hang out kind of often back then." I nodded my head.

She smile a little like she realizing something important. She say again, "It must be feel so good right? Hang out together again with an old friend after so many years separated from each other?"

"You can taste the nostalgia, and old memories feels like alive by itself. Brings back your youth, your golden years."

She blink her eyes and got blank for like a moment. She's thinking about something, but not so sure too. Her soul feels like fly away from her, her mind's not here.

"I'm sorry, I think I need to go now." She said blankly, suddenly.

I look at her for a little longer. Rae, you don't have to know. It's better if you don't know about them. You'll get hurt, and I don't want you to get hurt again. Jae and Hanna was over a long time ago, they just did stupid mistake, taken over by alcohol. And you don't have to know. You better not to know.

"Rae, Jae's a good guy. He loves you so much, he never has bad intention."

She blink at me and I feel her strongness from her, power that holding back herself for not asking or mention about Jae's shirt that still worn by Hanna right now. It feels like she knew the answer already but she don't want to confirm it because she doesn't want to hear it, the truth.

"Drive carefully." I said to her for the last time before she get on her car. I see her take a really deep breath before turn on her car and leave this place.

I pull out my phone and call Jae right away.

"Rae came."

Silence, he processing my words, long. "Rae is in her office."

"No, she came to me. She met Hanna."

Another silence.

"How?"

I lick my lips, thinking. "That's not important, just don't mention about Hanna that much if she ask you."

"I can't lie to her."

"She doesn't have to know."

"She doesn't deserves we lying behind her back, too."

"You can speak the truth without telling her about you and Hanna that much. Just tell her only the imoportant part."

He sigh deep.

"I'll take care of Hanna. So just... keep Rae away from knowing this."

"I can just tell everything and apologize."

"She'll get hurt, still. Just act like that night in New York never happened, I'll keep Hanna away from you. Rae doesn't have to know."

"I talk to her first."

I press my forehead, tired. Just when I'm about to hang up the call, Jae say thanks to me.

And I just sighing deep, really tired.

"Hanna's okay, right?"

I bite my bottom lips, "Stop worrying her. She might get misunderstood your action."

"She's my friend."

"I know, she's my friend too." No, now she's my girlfriend. I'm making myself sure, getting myself sure about it. "I'll take care of her from now."

Silence.

"I never wanted to hurt her."

"I know, so stop, now. Other than work, stop." He doesn't answer me for long so I disconnect the call just like that, let him decided himself.

I hope he understand what I mean.

I see Hanna curling up into a ball again on my sofa, put her forehead on her knees, her long wavy hair covering her face, she hug both of her legs with her hands, her back moving up and down, breathing steadily, calmly. At least she's not nervous and feel afraid anymore.

Wonpil come from the kitchen, holding a glass in his hand and just shaking his head left and right, shrugging his shoulders at Hanna's state of mind. He tried to talk to her, apparantly, but got ignored. Apparantly. So he just leave us alone, come inside the studio instead, to work on another masterpiece.

I sit beside her, close, moving some hair from her and tuck it behind her ear, "Ready to go home?"

"What did she say?" She asked still with her head on her knees.

"She wasn't mention anything about this shirt, she just want to know who you are."

She's not answering.

"You're my girlfriend now."

She lift her head and look at me but not saying anything, not even a word of protest.

"She doesn't have to know about you and Jae."

"You just don't want her to hurt after knowing the truth. You're protecting her."

I smirk, "What truth? That night in New York didn't mean anything." I know that statement will hurt Hanna, but it makes her open her eyes and realized that she shouldn't make a big deal about that mistake she and Jae did that night.

That night can't be a reason for her to keep thinking about him like this. They both are ended already, a long time ago.

"There's nothing between you and Jae now. You're my girlfriend now." I lean closer and touch her hair, cup her face, "Now stop biting your lips, I want it to be soft when I taste it."

I kiss her.

Long, before finally moving persistently, and not stopping until she doesn't have a choice except move her lips with me, kiss me back. I tilted my head and kiss her deeper, feeling adrenalin running inside me, it feels surprisingly nerve-wrecking. When she tilted her head in opposite direction from mine to let me take her deeper, it makes me feel goosebumps all over me. Makes me cup her face with both of my palms and suck her lips harder we start to make noises. I feel her hands circle around me, holding me as leverage. I pull off a little for us to catch a breath but kiss her senseless once again.

She moans.

God, she moans for me. I'm doing it right, right?

I suck her deep for the last time before really pulling off, we're both out of breath but I try to speak, "And stop wearing his clothes." I move my thumb on her cheek, my face still just an inch from her, I still can feel her breathing on me.

She just staring at me, confused. "What are you doing?" She whisper very softly.

"Distracting you."

She look at me long and deep.

"Right, focus on me now. Just like that." I kiss her cheek. "Are you ready to go home or you want to hang out here a little longer?" I look at her, finally put my face in a normal speaking distance.

"Kang Younghyun, you..."

"Oh, Kang Younghyun appear now, suddenly. Long time no see him, right?" I'm smiling happily at her while she gulping down.

It works.

-

  
**-Jae's PoV-**

Rae isn't ask anything about Hanna when she get home, she's not mention Brian as well. She act like her usual self, I only caught her thinking alone once or twice, but other than that, she doesn't speak anything about it. It looks like she's trying to seek the answer of her questions all by herself.

I'm gonna tell her the truth if she ask, though. Should I just tell her, then?

Three days has passed and that worries just fly away like that, I got busy with works, she got busy with her book and foundation's stuff, we got busy with Haneul. Nothing's change significantly with Rae, nothing unusual, she still doing her role as Haneul's mom and my wife perfectly.

I still can feel her warm touch at the back of my head when she's drying my hair after shower.

"Done." She smile, turn off the hair dryer and put it inside a drawer then touching my hair, let it filling the gap between her fingers. I look at her from the mirror, trying to read her expression, but found nothing other than good mood.

"Everything's fine?" I asked in the end.

"Everything's running good these days." She take my hand and drag me to bed.

We cuddling each other right away.

"How about the company?" She asked while checking on her messages and emails.

"Still focus on the new project, we're about to display our first stage of preparation to our client tomorrow. Hope there will be not much adjustment so that we can start running it on schedule."

"Fighting, my husband." She smile and touch my cheek, leaning on then give me a kiss. "Oh, and... a friend of mine sent me this today." She lifted up herself and move for more comfortable position to show me something on her phone, she put her head on my shoulders.

She touch the play button then I see a recording of myself, smiling with guitar in my hands, at a club. It was when we hang out the other day and unintentionally got up on stage and performed. The camera move to the other members too, to Brian who was talking, introducing us.

"Long time no see Brian, though." She commented, moving herself more to me and I hug her tighter somehow, lean my head on her too. My hand circling her waist, start to move up and down on her night gown.

"You're about to see something phenomenal, Rae. This is what I always wanted you to see, this is really what I did in my college years."

"You are so cool." She said a little bit like a fangirl seeing her favorite idol performs, "So are they the friends you're talking about?"

"Hm, we finally hang out in full team, just like those old times. And Sungjin got tag along, somehow." I laugh, rembering that night.

"I surprised Sungjin can follow right away, though. That guy has many surprising sides on him."

I laugh agreeing. Suddenly I hear a girl screaming loud, the camera turn around, searching the source of the voice, then filming one of the table where there were two girls standing and screaming at us, cheering us up on the stage.

"This is Lia, this one's Hanna. And the one who just arrived is Sera, you've met her before."

"Dowoon's girlfriend."

"Seems like they will tied a knot soon."

"Oh, congrats."

"They said they inspired by our marriage, at our serious attitude towards the marriage up until now."

Rae laugh.

I can feel her body vibrating on me. And I always love that, the way she laugh. I didn't see many of it in the past, so I made a promise to myself, just like any other childish promises I made about her, to bring that laugh up often. I want to make her laugh everyday, smile brightly everyday when she's with me.

"So cool." She said once again after the video end. "You look so happy too, up there." She look at me.

"I got to play again after so many years, with my people, the same people from my past, with a crowd's cheering, it really brought back old memories."

"Memories you treasured the most."

I nod my head and kiss her.

It's just a sweet kiss for a moment but it turn hot suddenly when she deepen it, sucking hard, gripping my neck and pull me closer to her. She's forgetting her phone, and moving herself somehow until she lying on her back, kissing me more senseless, lustfully. My blood's running fast right away, just like what I'm feeling everytime she did this to me. She has the capability to make me high so fast, we're just talking and chilling though, but in a second, I feel hot all over my body. I start to roam my hands on her skin under her silk sleeping gown. She circle her hands around my neck, grip it hard and kiss me harder.

We're staring deep when we pull off to catch some air, we're both panting already.

"Park Jaehyung..." She whisper in the middle of her breathing, she looks so hot when she aroused like this, and she's mine, "...you're mine." Her chest moving up and down along with her deep breathing.

"I always be yours."

She looking at me long, touching my hair and my forehead very slowly, intimately. Her fingers moving slowly touching every skin of my face.

"If you... feel bored at me later..."

"I won't."

"If... you know, there will comes a time when a husband feel bored of his wife..."

"What are you talking about?" I kiss her forehead.

"I heard many stories about it from my office mates, it something we all can't help..." I stop her talking with a kiss. Another heating kiss.

Bored of her? Will I?

"...that kind of thing can happen..." She's breathing hard when my kisses move to her neck. "I just want you to know, I won't blame you." She start to moan, "You can make mistake..." She arch her back when I suck her skin just around her ear, her weak spot, "I'll understand you. Just..." Her fingers move to my hair, "...come back to me afterwards. Come back to me again and don't ever leave me."

I kiss her long for the last time before lift my face and look at her, searching something in her eyes. "Something's happened?" I whisper softly, my heart beats faster. Half of it because I'm aroused, but the other half because I sense something. Is about Hanna?

"Just..." She gulping down and blink her eyes, "I heard a sad story from my officemates... about her husband who... left her for other woman."

I freeze for awhile, just looking at her, "I won't do that to you."

She just looking at me, doubt my words. She feels anxious. Did she figured it out already? That night I made mistake with Hanna in New York?

"I would never do that. Rae..."

She smiles, "You look so sure. Just like always."

"I love you, and Haneul."

"Promise me if that kind of thing really happen to you later, try your best to come back to me."

"That won't happen." I caress my thumb on her cheek.

"Just promise it..." She whining in her whisper, "...just like you made promise to marry me after we graduated back then." She touch my face.

"I promise to try my hardest to stay with you, forever and ever. I'll come back to you always." I'm sincere.

She pull me and kiss me hot again, bring back the heat right away, forgetting that strange talk.

"Are we still gonna do it quietly?"

She smiles, "Hm, don't make a noise." She whisper on my lips before kissing it again.

-


	10. Chapter 10

"Are you okay? You look so pale, are you sick?" Jae asked just after we finish the first meeting since our company signed a contract.

I tried my best to act like usual through the meeting in the middle of this painful stomach, but I can't anymore. I always like this in the first day of my period. He knew. All of my friends from the past knew, it's not a big news anymore. I always in so much pain in my first day, even back then, I took a sleeping pill to force myself to sleep if I couldn't bare the pain anymore. It happened for some times, when the pain was really unbearable.

This looks like one of those days. I feel like it's even more painful than usual, maybe because I kind of stressed out myself recently, maybe because I keep thinking about him and that night in New York too much, maybe because I keep thinking of that day Rae met me on his shirt at Brian's house, maybe because I tried so hard to forget Jae and try to accept Brian's kiss, or maybe because I tried so hard to not looking at Jae too much today and just keeping everything cool between us.

I think I can't stand it anymore now, I groan and bite my bottom lips, "Just the usual first day of period..." I gritted my teeth and start to clean up my stuff.

Other people left this room already, just me and him now.

"It's still that bad?" He look at me worriedly.

He knew. He knew how bad it is, because he always there when it happened. Well, it was him or Brian or Lia. Everytime I'm in pain like this, those three take turn to took care of me, to rubbed my stomach until it less painful, or until I fell asleep so that I couldn't feel the pain anymore. And in those three months I dated him, it was always him. Him, beside me on my bed or sofa, sometimes while cuddling me, he rubbed my stomach gently in a slow rhythm while I was groaning in pain. Sometimes he hummed a song too, so that I can sleep faster.

"Hm, it's still that bad." I lift up a map full of important papers for this meeting but he take it away from me without permission.

"I'll take you home."

It's still like two hours away until the work hours finish, but I decided to go home just like he suggested. He really take me home, now I'm sitting inside his car, my head touch the seat, I curling myself as much as this position allowed me, looking at the window beside me, not saying anything since we left my office. Only sighing and groaning in pain once in awhile, my hands never leave my stomach.

Jae turn right to a drive through service and buy a glass of hot chocolate first for me. Yeah, chocolate always works on me, makes it less painful. That's what I thought, until I read later on that it's just because chocolate give a relax sensation, the sugar inside chocolate and some other natural ingredient in it can somehow make people feel happier and relax, not because it affect directly on my stomach. It has nothing to do with my stomach and the pain, it just relax me so that I feel less painful. But it works, at least it really works to make it less painful. I took some medicine too in the past, but apparantly it wasn't good for my kidney so the doctor adviced me to just bare with it instead and stop taking those medicine. 'It's not like you'll die from it anyway', he said, so I stop take medicine and just feel like dying everytime this happen.

I drink the chocolate slowly, realizing that he still remember. He remember it. But it doesn't mean anything. Like Brian said, he just being a good guy he is. He always like that. So this doesn't mean anything too. He taking me home like this doesn't mean anything too. I keep repeating that words inside my head, to deceive me. Just like this chocolate do to me, deceive me. Like a placebo effect. Mind control.

I take a deep sigh when the car stop at my apartment lobby, "Thanks." I try to form a smile before get off the car.

"You can walk alone?"

"Hm..." I bite my bottom lip again because the pain is coming back.

But I force myself to move, get off the car and walk slowly.

"Valet?" A staff asked me.

"No,"

"Yes," I hear Jae's voice close behind me, I see him give his key to the staff and walk beside me, put his hands on my shoulder and elbow to help me walk.

"I said I can walk by myself." I said when we're inside an elevator to my house.

"I know how bad it is." He look at me, "Don't take sleeping pil, I'll rub your stomach until you fall asleep."

I should stop him, right? That's wrong, right? Or not? Or it's just a friendly act? Is he just being a good friend helping out a friend? But still, I should stop him. We better not do this kind of thing anymore, we should play in safe zone, and this is far from safe zone. Being alone with him surely is not a safe zone. The last time we're alone we slept together. Well, we agreed to blame it on alcohol, though. The point is, we shouldn't be alone.

But I'm not stopping him.

I let him rubbing my stomach just like what he always did in the past. I lie on my sofa while he sit close beside me, rubbing my stomach in slow ryhthm, I close my eyes, put my wrist on top of it to prevent me seeing him. I still biting my bottom lip in attempt to bare with the pain. Then I hear him humming a lullaby.

I want to cry.

I'm gulping down, in pain, and I want to cry. This is the worst feeling ever. I lick my lips and take a deep breath, move my head to the side, force myself to forget those similar moments from the past, to just sleep instead. I feel so weak around him, like I have no power to keep it cool between us, I always feel this invisible magnet pulling me towards him.

I'm powerless.

Someone please help me.

That's the last thing I remember before I let myself drifting away from this cruel and sad reality.

  
"You shouldn't be here."

I hear a voice from afar. So far away.

"Stop doing this, she'll misunderstood your act again."

"I just want to help, we know how bad this thing when it happen."

Two voices. They're talking. As my conscious coming back, those two voices getting nearer and clearer.

"You can just call me, I'll take care of it."

"It was urgent."

"You can't be like this again, Jae."

"I just helping a friend. My friend. She was in pain."

A sigh, I hear a deep sigh.

"Rae knew. Rae met Hanna accidentally when she wearing your clothes, and she noticed it. She followed Hanna to my house and asked about her."

My conscious is back right away processing that sentences I just heard, but I keep my eyes closed.

"I'm... but I didn't do anything now, I just helping her." Silence for a second, "Hanna wore my clothes?"

A sigh again, and I close my eyes even tighter.

"She's trying, so you better help her to not make it harder for her. This is not helping. You can't meet her alone like this and be kind like this, she'll misunderstood again."

Another silence.

"Rae might found out, too."

"She didn't say anything to me. She didn't even tell me that she met you that night."

"But she knew, that's what you need to remember. You need to be careful. Rae will get hurt."

A longer silence, "Cooperate with me. I'll take care of Hanna, you're just her colleague at work, nothing more."

I keep praying for someone to help me just then, I feel so stupid now. Brian is here all along to help me. He told me already that he will distract me, it means that he will help me get out of this. He will help me detach Jae from me, what am I thinking? 

Brian's here.

-

  
**-Brian's PoV-**

Jae left in confused. I don't understand why he look confused, this is not something he should be confused about. Hanna is nothing more than his colleague now. An old friend who he shared a romantic act with in the past, but that's it. He wasn't even serious when they did that dating thing back then. He shouldn't gave special care like this now to her. I told him I'll take care of her. He should've just call me, not be with her alone here like that for like... 2 hours? What was he thinking? Did it happened really just because he care for her as a friend? Really? He allowed to do that in the past even before they dated each other, because he was single. But, now? He's a married man and he was helping... what? Rubbing another girl's belly to help her sleeping and reduce her pain? People clearly won't see it as an act friend do to another friend. It's an act of affair.

I sigh, make another out of tune sound again from this music application I've been use for like half an hour already. Hanna is still sleeping on the sofa behind me. Or pretend to sleep, I don't know. There's no way she didn't hear what me and Jae debating just then. What's wrong with him, though? Did he get emotional too after met Hanna again? Did the memories of the past get him like it gets Hanna? Really? He loves Rae, though. And he didn't like Hanna that much even back then.

Or did he?

I groan annoyingly after make another out of tune sound. Why it upset me? I'm so annoyed. Not sure if it because of Jae's act that keep caring for Hanna, or because Hanna who still let him there around her and taking care of her, instead of call me. She should've just call me. I said she's my girlfriend now. She should just depend on me, not him.

"Ah, really..." I mumbling alone, breathing fast without I realized.

"Stop getting angry."

I turn my head and see her looking at me. Since when she looking at me like that? She's still closing her eyes when Jae left, though.

I just looking at her, she just looking at me, still lying on her side while I'm sitting on the floor right in front of her. "Are you okay, now?" I asked, trying to not sound sulky about it.

"Better."

"You should call me."

"Right, I'm sorry." She wake up from her position to sit beside me on the floor, put her head on my shoulder and I hold her right away.

We got silence, freeze in this position for awhile. I move my finger up and down her shoulder and somehow my upset feeling is gone.

"Still that painful?"

"Hm." She move around to get more comfortable in my embrace, "I feel better now after some sleep."

"I wake you up?"

She take a deep breath first before answer, "Hm, you guys were loud..."

"Sorry... sleep again, Hanna. Want me to rub your belly until you sleep again?" Oh no, I must be sound sulky and annoying now.

"Stop teasing me, I was really sick. It wasn't just an excuse to spending time with him..."

"I let it pass this time. Next time you need something, call me instead of him. Ask me instead of him."

She lift up her head to look at me, long. "Are you really mad?"

"You don't want this to be real?"

"What...?" She taken aback by my serious gaze, apparently. She didn't expect me to answer her like this, but I'm serious right now.

"I really want you to detach from him, and the fastest way is to doing this for real, you and I. You don't want it?"

She's blinking her eyes a couple times, "Of course I do."

I gulp down, looking at her, nervous.

Nervous?

Since when I get nervous when I'm with her?

"Then I'll let it pass this time. Next time, I might take the extreme way regarding this."

She tilt her head and smile, "What kind of extreme way?"

"I'll think about the detail later, but it surely will be extreme. There might be another video about me online."

She smirking, not taking my words seriously and put her head back on my shoulder instead. We sit still like that for awhile until she said she's hungry and we ended up order chinese food for dinner. A late dinner together, for like the first time. Ever. With late light talk and late night drama show, until she start to drifting away in my embrace. We're sitting on the sofa under the blanket, just finish one episode of a drama on TV, and I feel kind of awkward to get away from this comfortable feelings now. Should I just be like this and wait until she really fall asleep? Should I excuse myself to go now? Should I just wait her to tell me to go home?

I never really in this kind of position with her, even in the past. There always Jae who was with her alone in the middle of the night after we finished our assignment. Even if it was me back then, I bet it would never be this awkward because back then we were purely just friend. But now I claimed her as mine. It surely change the way I look and feel about her.

"You want to stay the night?" She asked suddenly.

Yes.

Wait, not now. 

"I'll let you have your own time now, you need to sleep." We're staring, "Next time we hang out again like this, I won't go home til the sun's up." I kiss her, "You gotta be prepare." 

We're kissing long before I excuse myself to leave, ride my motorbike fast to keep my mind away from thinking how right the thing I just did to her. I mean, kissing her.

I did that many times in the past, well, more like I stole many kisses from her, I did that just to tease her. We did that often when we were playing games too, actually, with the others, just like the one she did in the bar a couple weeks ago to Jae. But never once I felt like this, like... kissing her is actually the right thing to do. It means something now, somehow? Why it means something now, it was not back then, why now? Is it because she finally kiss me back? Or am I just lonely and thirsty for that kind of thing? Romantic acts? Skinship?

Don't really sure, that's why this makes me want to find out. I'll do this properly to find the answer. Sometimes in life, we just gotta let things flow by itself without seeking much about the reason. I already threw myself to her, forced her to be my girlfriend, why not really doing it properly and seriously? Who knows where I might landing on the otherside, right? 

It makes me excited in a strange way.

"You looks bright." Wonpil said right after I get inside the studio, found him still working on something.

I smile and sit on a sofa behind him who sit facing the big monitor, his fingers move here and there pressing the keyboard, adding certain type of sound to his recording.

"So, you and Hanna are together now, or what?"

"I'm helping her to distract herself from Jae."

"So are you guys a real thing or what?"

"We're kind of getting there...?"

"Helping her is good, but I hope you can start to do it seriously now. Not like what you did with Rae, but seriously put your feelings into it from the start, before it's too late again."

I'm not answering him so he turn himself.

Then I smile, "I wouldn't dare to make Hanna become like... my fuck buddy, she's too precious."

"Good. I'll pray for you then, to be with her for real. Losing Rae surely gave you some lessons."

"Hanna's different. She's my friend."

"Yeah, she's our friend. You can't messing around with a friend."

Wonpil turn himself again to look at me because I didn't answer him again, found me smiling alone on the sofa then mumble, "At least your attitude right now is showing that you're not playing around." before going back to his recording.

-


	11. Chapter 11

"But why it has to be at the beach?"

I get off of Brian's motorbike with a smile. I take off the helmet too, make my hair flying around automatically because of the wind.

"You asked that for like... hundred times already."

"So, why? Your company going to focus on online selling here in this country, but why the premier should be released at the beach? I still don't understand." Brian get off of his motorbike too, then lean his body onto it facing the ocean far away upon us.

"Because it's fun and summer just come? It suits our concept perfectly." I follow him to lean on his motorbike beside him, facing the ocean with him.

He sigh, "So you're gonna spend a day with Jae at this pretty beach... I feel uneasy." He chuckled.

"Not only with Jae, there are many other people too, what are you talking about? Besides, he just going to attend the opening, he might get going after that, he's busy."

"So, should I just wait here for you? Will it end quickly?"

"I don't know about me, I might need to stay here longer..." I turn to him, "...to make sure everything running as the plan. I'm not the boss, I should work."

He stare at me.

"I'll... call you later...?"

"So unfortunate that you should working when the weather is so nice like this."

"Right..." I'm back to facing the ocean.

"There would be so nice to running on the sand with your bare foot, let it sink in the water, feeling the sun and wind in your skin."

"You can do that. In fact, maybe you should do that."

"I'm not doing it without you. If you still working while I do that, then what's the point?"

"Is being cheesy your concept now?"

He choke, "I thought you like that type of a man, though."

"I like the romantic type!"

"That's why I'm being romantic now."

"Ah, but you're not really a romantic type. It doesn't suit you that much."

"That's just because you're not used to it. You should start to get use to it."

I look at him again and we're staring for awhile, him with a wide grin paste on his face, teasing me. I hit his chest just like that, just like what I used to do to him and say, "You're still my friend."

"No, I'm not." He keep grinning, keep teasing me, "I'm your lover now."

"Who is also my friend." I hit him again in the same place.

"No, I'm your boyfriend now."

"So you want to give up our friendship now?" I look at him in a little anger, hit him again.

"Yes..." He still smiling but then hold my hand, prevent it to hit him again and kiss my lips instead, fast just as a peck. "Good that I can kiss you all I want now."

But I hit his back with my other hand then, I'm screaming but smiling about the sudden kiss he gave me. He stand up to avoid my other attack, and we ended up playing around, running in circle with laughter, smile painted on each other's faces.

"Let's be more romantic! Us!" He said it out loud while I running chase him who keep avoiding me. But at one certain moment he stop running from me, suddenly standing facing me who still running fast to him, he open his arms wide just in time so that I fall to his embrace perfectly. "Right, just like this." 

I have no choice but hug him because of that, while he laughing happily. And he hug me so tight that I can't escape, laughing along in the end. Oh, I feel happy. I suddenly feel free and happy. "Don't ever dare to lift me up..." But I scream before I finish my sentence because he already lifting me up and spinning himself, makes me spinning along with him.

"Like this?"

I circle my hands on his neck, grip it tight, smiling wide. I'm feeling so happy, I like this feeling so much. I don't remember when is the last time I feel so happy like this.

"My blouse ruined..." I said when he finally put my feet on the ground again. I'm busy looking at my outfit for awhile but got curious because Brian didn't say anything to argue with me again so I look up, found him just staring at me, smiling.

"Keep those smile, Hanna. You're beautiful when you smile."

"You acknowledge it now?"

"Acknowledge."

I'm smiling, put my hands again on his neck and leaning on to him. When I'm sure that he thought I'm going to kiss him, I pull down his head and lock him between my hands and laughing hard.

"I thought you're gonna kiss me!"

I keep him like that for awhile, until my sight set on someone who is walking towards us. My movement got stop then, completely, kind of surprised. Slowly I pull off my hands of him, leaving him surprise too, and kind of disappoint because he just realize what makes me suddenly freezing like this.

"You came together." Jae said with a smile on his face, staring at us. But strange, I can't read his expression. He's smiling but the look on his eyes are... strange. He blinking too much, too.

"I just drop her off." Brian put his hand on my shoulder, hugging me to him.

"Ah, you'll go, then?"

"Sadly, yes..." I see Brian smiling to Jae like nothing happened, like it's not the first time for Jae seeing us close like this. It's his first time, though. And I can feel Jae's awkwardness seeing us like this. It used to be him who can be this close to me, it was only him.

Is he somehow... jealous? I hope he feel jealous.

"It's time for me to go, then." I feel Brian looking at me but I still searching something on Jae's face. "Hanna, babe..." Brian touch his forefinger on my cheek to bring back my attention to him and he success.

I look at him.

"Have fun at work," he kiss me, smooch my lips fast but deep, "Call me, okay?" He staring at me, those eyes saying something different though, it telling me 'promise me you'll call', kind of pleading.

"Hm, sure." I respon awkwardly, "Take care on your way home..." I said it half conscious before he finally separating himself from me.

He passing Jae and say "Don't do something stupid." to him before they do their usual fist bump to greet each other. But he's not really stopping to have some chit chat, he walking straight to his motorbike, take his helmet and put it on, then leave this place. 

And somehow I feel guilty, don't know why. Maybe because I feel glad and kind of excited that I see Jae here, which is not appropriate. I shouldn't feel that way, especially when Brian was standing beside me like that, but I can't help it. I keep feeling excited when I see Jae in front of me, like I'm so thankful that I have one more moment, one more day to be spend with him. It's wrong, though. I promised myself that I should stop feeling like that, but after seeing him again like this, I can't help those feelings to appear.

Jae is like a dream to me. A youthful dream of mine I long forgotten, and it standing in front of me again, so close. So how can't I chase it again while it being so close to me like this? Why can't I trying to make it come true again? I can't help it, that's a human thing.

I might get deceived again today.

My heart beats faster when he finally looking at me and smiling, very handsome. Just like what he always showed me in the past to messing me up. I think he did that on purpose.

I'm already messed up.

-

**-Jae's PoV-**

It kind of surprising to see Brian and Hanna together like that, I mean romantically. They were so close, he even kiss her. I saw him stole a kiss from her many times in the past but it always meant nothing so I felt nothing. But the one I saw just then... I saw Brian's determination. He claimed her. He want me to see that she's his now. He giving me a warn to not ruin this. He even say it clearly to me to not do something stupid.

And that's what I should do, not doing something stupid. Means, I should just go back after the opening ceremony just like what I plan to do, not approaching her who sitting alone on the sand like this, and sit beside her facing the ocean upon us. I don't know what I'm expecting, but the image of them together just trigger me in a strange way. I used to be the one who can be that close to her, in the past. She used to be look only at me. It feel a little strange to face the reality that she really trying to get over me, replacing me with Brian.

Damn, what am I thinking? I'm not in my sane mind. I touch my hair, comb it with my fingers to the back.

"Something's happened? You look... distant." She asked first, and always, she can feel it. She always feel it, if there are too much on my mind to think about, if something's not going right as I plan it to be.

"Not really."

"I thought you're going back."

"Just... this scenery is too pretty to be left just like that." I look at the waves hitting the sand a couple times before speak again, "You're not going back?"

"They might need me. I'll go back with the others once the event is over."

"With the others?"

She turn her face to me, looking at me in confused.

"I mean, on the same car...?"

"Ah..." She smile and back to face the ocean, "Don't know, Brian asked me to call him when I'm done, so I might going home with him again."

"So you and Brian...?"

She's looking down, put her chin on her knees and playing her forefinger in the sand, creating random picture on it, "Yeah, me and Brian... we ended up like that."

I smile a little, "It kind of awkward seeing you two that way."

"It's awkward for me, too. But he is determined." She's frowning her forehead. "Don't know why."

"He's helping us."

Her finger stop moving and I see her thinking. "He must be so bored with life..." She take a deep breath and look at the ocean again, "It's unfortunate that I should work here, the weather's too nice to be spend with work. I feel like walking bare foot on the sand..."

"You can do that."

She's blinking once, then twice.

"Do what you want to do, Hanna."

She's thinking for awhile then smile, "Really?" She take off her shoes and stand up bare foot, "Why is everyone keep telling me to do what I want?" She start to walk slowly to the ocean, "What if I want to do bad things?"

I see her back keep going further to me and this strange feeling consuming me. Right away, just like that. Her back looks gloomy and I just want to make her cheer up a little bit. So I take off my shoes and socks too, then running to her, push her shoulder a little bit to annoyed her, not too strong to make her fall to the sand, but strong enough to make her tripping on her feet.

"Playing on the beach is a bad thing?" I asked, out loud, in front of her. My foot already touch the water then I bend my knees, to touch the water with my hands and splashing it to her.

She's screaming annoyingly, "YAH!!" She's running to me.

Smiling, finally.

And the next scene is really like a movie. Like an old times, that beautiful summer in the past, where I was her boyfriend and she was my girlfriend. Laughing happily playing in the water. The one and only time we spent at the beach together because she insisted me to bring her to the beach after the hell-like exams. It was surprisingly relieved our stress. It is surprisingly relieve my stress too now, even we just splashing water to each other, running and chasing to make each other wet. With the same smile and laughter from the past, we both reliving our memories once again.

It's still like a movie.

"No!" She scream in my arms. I somehow successfully hold her and just about to throw her to the ocean.

"No?" I smile and laugh, bend my knees slowly, tease her to the water.

"Noooo, I don't bring any clothes." She grip my neck tight, hugging me all she could to not let me throw her to the water.

"Okay, no." But as soon as I said that, a strong wave hit us makes me trip off of my feet and lose my balance of her.

We both fell to the water with her screaming filling my ear. It all happened so fast, I force myself to go up again, looking at her in panic because she fell really hard on the water.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" I hold her wrist helping her to stand up.

She's splashing me with water right after she stand on both of her feet again, screaming at me in annoyance. "I'm wet now!"

"I'm wet too." I use my hands as the shield to protect my eyes from her water bombs, approaching her slowly. I hug her to stop her attack. Really hug her again with both of my arms, just like that time. Once again.

And yes, she stop. She's freezing but then lean herself on my embrace, feeling my hug even more without saying anything. She end up circling her hands on me, hugging me the same. This is wrong, but somehow feels right. And I admit I miss her like this. I miss her who always looking at me like this. Her eyes that only adoring me, nobody else but me.

We can stay like this for awhile. Damn, I'm bad. Of course we can't, we shouldn't, but I can't do anything to break this embrace. It just feels right.

"You're not act like yourself." She said in my embrace, "You do the opposite from what you told me on the plane."

Right, I'm so bad.

"I just thought I can make you smile a little bit."

She chuckle, "Now I want to kiss you too, what are you gonna do?" She look at me, "What you expect me to do?"

I blinking and gulping down, and lord I want to kiss her too. She pleading me with those eyes, the same beautiful eyes from the past, eyes that only look at me, adore me.

I touch her face, "Let's dream a little longer." I said before I kiss her softly.

And we're kissing for awhile, not rushing, with a calm, a kiss that not lead us anywhere, not going anywhere. A kiss to purely just to feel each other presence. Still sweet, like what I remember from the past.

"Let's find some dry clothes." I said after we pull off of each other.

We walk side by side without saying anything to where we left our things, "Wait here I go grab my walllet in my car." I look at her making myself sure she understand my intention before I leave her.

She looks blank and out of place and I feel guilty to make her feel like that. I want to make her smile and happy though, not like this. Brian warned me though, this is clearly something stupid he talked about.

Oh my god why am I like this really.

-

  
It's a dream.

He said it's a dream.

Soon we're going to wake up and face reality, but now I just wish this dream could go on longer. And longer. Without us to wake up from it if I could ask for my last wish. I wish I can just be with him like this everytime.

I sigh, putting my wet clothes inside the plastic bag. We both ended up shopping for dry clothes in souvenir store. He picked a nice t-shirt for me and I picked one from him. Now it just adding to beautiful memories of him on the list and I somehow upset by it. I'm too easy to give in.

And when I look at him sitting on the phone while waiting for me change my clothes, it hurts. Because I know who he's talking with. He's smiling, his cheeks are blushing. He's either talk with his son or his wife. And it hurts. It's how I wake up from this dream, apparantly. He's cruel and I'm so powerless. 

Why am I like this really.

I lick my lips and leave him silently. I walk to gather my things at the event venue. My team still busy talking with some customers, helping to explaining our new brand and products, but I just want to leave this place. I want to go home.

So I excuse myself to them and they just nod my head and told me to go home carefully. I call Brian, walking to the nearest bus stop from the beach to wait him in peace, I want to be alone. My mind is empty, blank, I didn't know what I just did. I don't know what to think. I feel so happy for awhile, especially when Jae kiss me. It was like a dream.

Well, it was a dream. He said it was a dream. Now I need to wake up and face the truth. He will never be mine no matter how hard I try to change his heart. I just torturing myself with this memories of him, I shouldn't done that in the first place.

Jae's calling and I just look at my phone blankly. Again. And once again, and I decided to answer it in the end.

"Where are you?" He asked a little bit in panic.

"Don't looking for me."

He sigh, "I'll take you home."

"Brian will come."

"So where are you? I'll accompany you until he come."

I bite my bottom lip, "I woke up." I looking down to my shoes, "You woke up, too. Let's stop this."

Silence.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I was happy, like you want me to be." Although not right now, but at least just a moment ago I felt happy with you. "So don't come. Even if you found me, don't come to me. I don't want Brian to see me with you again." I'll feel awful again then. Brian doesn't deserves this.

"Hanna, I..."

He call my name. He shouldn't call my name so soft like that.

I wait but he not continue so I smile alone. He woke up now, maybe after hearing Rae's voice he finally realize he just did something stupid and wrong.

"I know." I said in the end. "Don't be awkward, I get it."

But how though? How can I be not awkward around him after what he did? We were not drunk at all, so what our excuse this time? How to not be awkward around him again? It's hard, and hurt. Am I the only one in pain like this?

I sigh, "Go home safely, Jae. See you on the next meeting." I disconnect the call because I can't bare myself from crying anymore.

So I cry, alone.

I grip the wooden bench in this bus stop and crying hard alone, looking down to the ground and let it all out before Brian arrives because I don't want him to see me like this again. He really doesn't deserves this.

I successfully drying my tears by the time he arrives, but somehow he knew. He knew that I've been crying before he came and he not gonna let this past just like that. So instead of going home, we enter the beach again.

"Let's go for a date first." He said.

I agreed and follow him because I feel guilty, and now I feel even more guilty because of that. I shouldn't do this because I'm guilty, I should do this because I have to do this. I need to take this amazing chance to distract myself from what happened today. I should be thankful to Brian, but I can't help feeling guilty too because I feel like I disappointed him, for still gave in to Jae, for not tried my hardest to reject Jae today.

"What do you want to drink?" He asked as we stand side by side in front of vending machine around the beach.

I turn my head from the machine to him, asking him with my gaze and somehow he understand it. So he smirk and press a button for a can of beer and a water bottle.

"I know something's happened, your clothes' different." He grab our drinks and lead me to a spot to sit on the sand.

He open up my beer and give it to me, I drink half of it as soon as I grab it, fast. We get silence after that, watching the sun that starting to set down.

-


	12. Chapter 12

**-Brian's PoV-**

"Why you're not asking anything?" She finally asked after we keeping this long silence.

"I can guess it. You two made some kind of movie scenes playing on the beach, chasing each other until both of you wet."

"We kissed."

I gulping down, still don't want to look at her. I can play it cool like it doesn't bother me like I usually did, but I feel the opposite. I don't know, hearing something like that starting to make me upset. For real. Not sure if I feel it because I disappoint that she wasn't trying her best or if it because I just jealous of Jae's meaning to her. Jae always has special spot in her heart, from then and now, I know. But these days, I just want it to stop. I told her now she's mine. I want her to look at me too now. I know so well that it can't be happening so fast, that's why I feel upset alone. All she need is time, just like what I needed to get rid of Rae's trace from me. I shouldn't blame her. I know how hard this process is.

"Who started it?"

"I'm not sure."

"But why were you crying again?" I finally look at her, at the trace of tears on her cheeks, at her swollen eyes, at her still gloomy sad face.

"I'm sad, that's why I was crying."

"And what makes you sad again?"

She's blinking her eyes before turn her head to facing the ocean again, "He talked to her on the phone after that... smiling... happily..." She looking down now, look even more sad.

"You want me to punch him?"

"No." She look at me fast, surprised at my question.

"What do you want me to do?"

I hate my own question, I hate how I react to this now. I don't want to push her but I am pushing her now. I said I understand that she needed time for this to work out but I sounds impatient now. I sounds annoyed and upset. And I hate that.

We're staring then her gaze starting to softer, then pleading. "Don't give up on me."

It breaks me.

She can't do anything about it either. My goodness I don't like seeing her so weak like this. She was miserable back then after so many rejection she received from Jae but right now she's more messed up. She can't do anything when she's around him. She must be powerless for him that she show me those expressions now, pleading me with her eyes.

It breaks my heart so I take her to my embrace, I hug her, hold her tight when she's breaking down again, crying.

"Don't leave me, Younghyun." She said while her crying become harder. She is sobbing now.

Why she always sobbing hard in front of me? I want to see her smiling more with me.

"This is really driving me crazy." She nearly scream in the middle of her crying.

"Let me hit him once, really."

She's not answer me again and just crying more. Nothing I can do other than let her crying it out, let her pouring all of her sad feeling on me. I just taking a deep sigh once in a while until she's done, until she calm down in my arms and lean her head on me. At least she lean on me.

We're watching the sunset in silence, in comfortable cuddle. I found her closing her eyes a couple time.

"I'm sorry."

"I won't give up on you." I somehow move closer to her, to hug her more, "As long as you keep trying."

Silence.

"It's hard..."

"Sure it is. But I'm here, and I believe you."

Another silence.

"Should I just quit my job and go back?"

This time I'm the one who got silence.

"Maybe they can transfer me to another team. Maybe I can avoid it again this time, well... I'm good at avoiding things."

"You always can do whatever you want, Hanna."

"I know it's better to confront it, like you said, and finish it, really finish it here. But it's too hard..."

Silence again. It's dark now, like my heart that suddenly turn to dark.

"But I wish you to stay." I'm not sure if I just imagining saying it or I really said it. I must be not in my right mind now. Silence that follow makes me believe that I just imagining saying it.

But then she ask, "Why?"

Oh, I really said it, then.

"I just... it's good to see you again."

"Kang Younghyun, what are you doing, exactly?" She's mumbling.

"I thought you asked me to not leaving you just like... 10 minutes ago?"

"Ah, right..."

"You didn't mean it?"

"That's not..." She move up to look at me, "I mean it!"

"Really? You don't look like you mean it now." I tease her.

She's whining.

And I repeat her whining, teasing her more.

She pout her lips and I pout mine.

"Stop that!"

"Stop that!" I keep repeating her with more of mocking tone.

She hit my chest and I hit hers too.

"Hey, where did you just hit me?!" She glare at me while touching her chest, and to my surprise, she push me while leaning herself on me. I'm not prepared to this kind of reaction from her so I lost my balance and just let myself fall down to the sand, lying on my back.

Followed by her, falling down on top of me.

I taken aback for a mere second but then smirking liking it, "Babe, we're outside."

She look at me a little in panic because our faces are so close right now, "Why are you so weak like that? I didn't push you that hard, though." She trying to going up but I circle my hands on her body, intentionally trapping her.

She's surrender to get free of herself when she finally get what I'm doing, she stop her moving, looking at me so brave. She's not afraid. She never get afraid of me. Even with all those kisses I kept stole from her in the past, she never get afraid of me. We're in this kind of friendship, very comfortable like this.

She put her chin on my chest then, still looking at me.

"Feeling comfortable?"

"Just see who will win, then."

I smirk, "But I'm not the same person now."

"I'm not either." She really challenge me with those cute eyes of her.

And I'm trapped.

Her eyes lock in mine and I can't get off of it. If those eyes looks so brave just like a minute ago, now it turns to afraid little by little. As I stare her deeper, she gets more afraid, panic, and confused. I move my hands to cup her head then, until my thumbs touch both of her cheeks. She stop moving completely, makes my job easier to bring her face close to mine to kiss her.

And I kiss her.

Not soft at all. I kiss her deep, with the urgency for her to reply. Hard, leaving her with no choice but to kiss me back, to open her lips and suck me back.

Sweet.

Her lips taste so sweet that I melted, unconsciously gripping her waist hard. Since when my hands move to her waist? I feel like I lost all my control and kiss her senseless. More.

Insane.

The way she kiss me back is insane too. Why she feel so delicious like this? Is this what Jae feel everytime he kissed her back then? Or hours ago?

Damn.

Why he kissed her in the first place? To feel this again?

We both looks surprised when we finally pulled off, we both blinking our eyes. Well, I'm surprised. Because of how good the kiss was and I want to lick my lips so bad right now.

"I'm not leaving you." I try to get back my sanity.

"Thanks...?" She said unsure, her eyes blinking in confused.

She move herself up slowly then, and to my other surprise she take my hand with her and help me get up too.

"I'm hungry." She said as soon as we're standing up.

"Hm, what do you want for dinner?" I try to act nonchalant when she walks behind me and touching my back here and there to get rid of the sand there. "Since we're here at the beach... lobster?"

"You'll peel all the skin for me?" She sounds brighter now, cheerful.

"Of course."

"Let's go, then." She take my hand on hers and we're leaving this place.

What a date.

-

**-Rae's PoV-**

I never thought Brian will ask to see me after what happened, but here we are. At the same restaurant when I told him about me being set up in a marriage, when he rejected me with his cold attitude.

"I thought we'll never meet alone again like this." I smile to him.

"Don't touch Hanna."

My smile gone completely hearing that. He not even greet me, just going straight to the point.

"What do you mean?"

"Someone's following her."

"And you think that's me?"

"Impossible it's Jae. It's you." He look at me straight in the eye.

And I feel strange, surprised, taken aback. Brian never care about something or someone this bad. He only care about himself. If something doesn't bother him, he will stay silent. Is this Hanna girl bother him?

I smirk, "I mean, why you assume it's me? She might have so many people interested in her?"

"She just come back here. And you found her wore Jae's shirt."

I smirk again, "You knew, then."

"They were drunk."

I'm staring at him. Thinking why he defending her that much. Are they really in relationship? So that night when I found her at his place not only an act? And another note, he found out about this so fast. I just pay someone to check on her two days ago but he already here confronting me. Is her safety really bothering him?

"So they slept together?" I asked him blankly.

"They were drunk, Rae."

And he call my name.

"They not even remember, it didn't mean anything."

Why are you so sure? Are you hiding something?

"I'm not doing anything, though. Just want to know what kind of person she is. She's Jae's first love..."

"Jae's first love is you."

I blink.

"Way before Hanna and Jae met, Jae already loves you. Hanna never has the chance. She's only hurting, every time. That's why... don't touch her."

"Seeing you defending someone like that is so... unexpected, Brian." We're staring, "I wonder if you defend me back then, what will happen to us?" Well, I shouldn't be jealous like this. Who is she? Is she that great?

He got silence for awhile, "I did. I was on your side that night at the bar. I was begging you to forgive me."

True. But Jae happened to me that time, and you were too late.

"But no matter what, Jae will always win. He loves you too much."

"But we were together first, if you were not too cold to me that day, we might..."

"But he loves you first. I knew, even from the first time we met. I knew it was you. Jae always talked about you in our college years. He only talked about you."

I take a deep breath and looking down.

"That's why Hanna never had the chance. This time too."

"This time too?"

"Yes, this time too."

"How are you so sure? They slept together."

"That was a mistake, ask Jae. They're not even remember. It won't happen again. Hanna's with me right now."

Very confident. Why didn't you be confident like that back then when you're with me? Am I not worth it? Or was it because of Jae? Are you respect your friendship with him that much so you gave up on me?

Oh my god, stop. What am I thinking? It doesn't matter now, I'm with Jae, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, I shouldn't be thinking about this what if.

"I don't want to lose him." I said softly finally.

"You won't, trust me."

"He become strange. He feel... distant."

"He just got a little distracted because they met again after a long time."

"How are you so sure? They meet often these days, they're business partner."

He's nodding his head, "They're just business partner, nothing more."

But his act right now tell me the opposite. Like he's hiding something, like there's something deeper between them, something complicated and deep and strong that happened with them in the past. And I notice how happy Jae when he talked about his friend who just back here from the states that night, how happy he was after performing again with his old friends that night, and now I know it's her. It's because of her. Now how can I believe Brian's words? I feel uneasy.

There sure be something more between them.

"Then why she still keeping Jae's shirt?"

He doesn't know the answer either, apparantly.

"And she wore it."

He turn his face away.

And it's clear for me now. She's still love him. There's no other way he got silence like this. Is Jae still love her too?

"You said she's your girlfriend now?"

He look at me.

"Then, do your job." I glare at him, "Jae forgive me once back then when I came and slept with you before our wedding, so I'll forgive him too, this time. I don't want to ask Jae about this, at all. I don't want to hear his confession that he slept with her. I don't want him to get distracted ever again. Let's get this done quietly, you take care of her, I'll do my best to keeping Jae with me. I don't want to lose him. Never."

He take a deep breath, "Deal."

-

  
"I heard something unbelivable from Wonpil, you know..."

"About what?" I turn my head to face Lia who laying on her stomach beside me.

We're both getting massage on our back so we talk softly to each other for not breaking this relaxation feeling we received.

"You and Brian. Wonpil said you're dating each other. Is that true?"

I finally open my eyes, welcomed by hers. I'm thinking for awhile before saying, "That's how we ended up."

"Oh my god, really?! I thought Wonpil just joking around, wow!" She raise her voice by one octav out of excitement.

"He said he will help me." But then the scene on the beach comes to my mind. Our kissing. As hot as ever.

If he said he would distract me, then he succeed now. I'm distracted. That kissing is surely distracting. Unexpectedly. Is he doing it too far, though? Or is he really serious with all this dating thing? What the hell? Is he even like me that way?

"Doesn't matter what's the reason, you're together now, and I'm so happy hearing that. You both suit each other, you know? I lowkey want both of you to date since a long time ago."

"What? You knew I liked Jae, but you want me to date him?"

"I mean, Jae was... untouchable, you knew that. You always knew that, but you kept looking only at him like a fool. Kept getting hurt like a fool."

"Yah!" I laugh a little warning her.

"Seriously, I was tired looking at you sometimes. And there was Brian, you know? Always by your side."

"He's our friend!"

"He always there everytime Jae made you cry and sad. He comforted you, always." She's sighing, "But you were just... stupidly blinded by Jae's persona."

"He was indeed blinding."

"Please, don't start it again."

"But that time, Brian wasn't look at me as a girl, too. We're friends."

"This time he look at you differently?"

"This time..." I get silence suddenly, thinking how he looked at me that time at the beach, right before he kissed me.

And my mind wondering again to that time, the way he touch my face and pull me to him, his smirk that challenged me, his chest that going up and down because of his breathing, me on top of him, close, skin to skin.

I blink, gasp, and see Lia smiling alone at me, "Something's happened, right?"

"I think he became a little weird."

"How?"

"He kissed me."

"He kissed you often, yah you woman." Lia chuckled but then look at me in investigating way, "Why? His kiss feels different now?"

I blink and get blank, I lick my lips, "I kissed him back..."

Lia frowning her forehead, "Oh, right. You never kissed him back. Oh, yes, progress! What else? What feels different again?"

His gaze, his way of talking, he tease me less, he become more caring, he got soft, he's considerate now, he got more mature and understanding, he's a sweet type now.

Or is it just me who finally felt it? Is he like that back then too but I'm too blind to see?

Now that I think about it again, I spent time with Jae too at the beach but I just thinking about my kiss with Brian after that day. And the way he look at me. Also, the way he really peeled all the lobster's skin after that just so that I eat more.

Is that mean he's succeed? To distract me?

And what with this nervousness when I see him like this? It's not the first time I see him and Wonpil betting at basketball game in an arcade place like this, I saw it many times in the past, but why he looks more handsome now? Like the way he shoot is so attractive, his posture is attractive, and those smile of him when he laughing with Wonpil is so carefree and... handsome.

My heart beats fast now. Really? Is this really happening?

"Do you think Brian get more handsome these days?" I asked suddenly make Lia stop her walking and turn around to stand beside me again.

"Gurl, he always handsome. It was you who not seeing that, because you were blinded by your 'prince charming' slash 'now Rae's prince charming'."

Really?

"Who do you think the winner is?" Now I hear Lia's voice from afar, like faaar away because I still focusing all of my senses on Brian.

"Brian." I answered nonchalantly, blankly.

I blink and realize what did I just do, I turn my head to her who is smiling happily. I want to ask her but Wonpil and Brian are here already. Wonpil put his hand right away on her shoulder while Brian steal his usual quick peck on my lips, making me turn my head on the opposite way, to face him. Still blank.

"What's wrong with this girl?" Brian asked Lia.

Lia just laughing happily alone, put her hand on Wonpil and walks away from us.

Brian frowning her forehead to Lia before ask me, "Babe? Are you okay?"

But I just staring at him long.

"I'll pay the movie tickets~" Lia screamed happily, so loud.

-


	13. Chapter 13

It's awkward.

We just got out from the cinema when we bumped into Jae's family and it's awkward. And by Jae's family, I mean he, Rae, and his son. Among all the mall built here in this country, we happen to meet them right here in this exact time. Oh my. And it's indeed awkward. Well, at least for me, because Lia, as the brightest personality in our community as she is, break the ice right away with her cute voice to Jae's son.

"It's Haneul~" Rae can't help but smiling answering Lia's question about her son's name in her arms.

Then just like that, all the attention move to Haneul, everyone trying to talk to him, and Rae answering our questions one by one with wide smile and kind of cute tone of voice.

"I'm being left out again, right? See? You guys never call me when you hang out." Jae look at our eyes one by one and I got a little nervous when he stare at me. It's like there's another sentence he want to say to me spesifically.

"We're just watching movie, Jae. Don't overreacting." Lia's saving me. Thank god.

"Ah, so it's double date, right?" Rae asked after Jae finally introduced us one by one to her.

Lia laugh cheerfully, "Kind of. We're about to go to dinner after this."

"Oh, we're here for dinner, too."

"Really? Should we join each other?" Lia asked still with her humble self of her, while we all got a little taken aback of that sudden invitation.

Awkward silence.

"Oh, can we? It sounds... great, of course. Right, yeobo?"

Yeobo.

Of course.

I looking down silently.

"Of course, it would be nice. I'm planning to meet you all together in the first place. You remember?" Jae asked his wife.

"Oh, so they are your friends from your college, right? From the states?"

Everyone's smiling wide. I don't think I'm smiling though. I must be look uncomfortable right now.

"Nice to meet you, I've been dying to see you, Jae always talking about you all, and the stories about you always sounds so exciting, I envy it so much."

Rae is a nice person. She's beautiful and classy, just like any other heir I know, but her smile is humble despite her being a heir. She's similar with Jae, I think. Jae is humble too, even back then, no one knows that he's actually a heir from one of a big group in this country, he just popular because of his performances. We all got shocked at a graduation day after knowing his background.

"It's okay if you don't want to join." Brian said softly to me while we're walking to the restaurant.

But I'm fine, though? Oh my god, I just realized that I'm not that nervous anymore. Different with what I felt when I first met him again at the business meeting, now I feel lighter. Kind of awkward at first, true. But after Lia breaking the ice and Rae's humble talking I feel okay, I guess?

So I smile to Brian, "You're here, though."

Brian is the one who taken aback now, "Seriously, did something happened at the spa? You're a bit..."

"What?" I glare at him.

"...at first you felt strange, but now you feel kind of... high?"

"Yah!" I hit him on the chest just like I always do, and somehow it makes Haneul who is in Rae's arms in front of us laugh.

Haneul look at me and Brian.

"He laugh at you." Brian tease me and I don't know why but Haneul laugh again.

"No, he laugh at you. Right, Haneul?" Haneul's laugh got even more harder make everyone who just step inside the restaurant look behind them to us.

"Are you exciting, Haneul?" Rae laughing too now.

"They're funny, aren't they, Haneul?" Lia join after sitting down, "They're funny to me, too." She tease me and Brian all together.

I give her a glare.

"Your dad is funny, too." Wonpil now join talking to Haneul, received some "Yah!" from Jae.

But we are laughing. It rather fun, unexpectedly. And beside my surprise of how Jae treating Rae and Haneul very sweetly, I think I survived this unintentional hang out better than everyone expecting. Even I surprised at myself. I got blank only when I see Jae taking care of Rae by pulling out her seat, take her order perfectly by knowing what her preference, filling up her glass, feed her once in a while when Haneul disturb her dining, or when he play with Haneul to feed him up, how he smile upon him holding a spoon to him, and how he finally hold him up on his arms after all the chaos of feeding him.

Well, seeing all of it in front of my eyes for the first time kind of make me blank. And jealous. Mostly jealous. And strange. But that's it. I still can talk like a normal person, I don't feel the urge to burst out in tears just like what I experienced when I first met him again, I unexpectedly fine.

Maybe that's because Brian held my hand almost all the entire time through the dinner. I don't know. But when I started to feel lost or drawn in my own emotions, I feel Brian's hand reach me from behind the table. And he's smiling at me so tenderly in the middle of that, reminds me that he's here with me.

And yes, I feel some kind of strange stare from Jae and Rae everytime Brian do that. Maybe they're both feeling taken aback too by this side of Brian to me.

But yeah, what important is, I survived.

"That was totally fun!" Lia screaming happily after we separated with Jae's family. "That was the best acting of the year, and you are the best actors of the year."

"I wasn't acting, though." Brian's confession bring a quick silence between us.

"Even better, then!" Lia's screaming more happily, clapping.

But I am nervous because of that. He wasn't acting. All of those smiles and assurance he gave me wasn't acting. It makes me touch my hair for no particular reason.

"I really hope you will last for long, then." Wonpil said, "It kind of strange seeing Brian act sweet like this to Hanna, but we can use to this, right?" Wonpil look at Lia and smiling wide.

"Of course." Lia laugh but I hit her shoulder to stop it.

"Isn't that weird? Being sweet like that?" Brian asked.

"Are you feeling weird?" Wonpil asked again.

Brian silence for a moment before answer, "Not exactly."

"Then you doing it right, man."

"Right?" Brian smile then walk with Wonpil for sometimes, talking about something me and Lia don't get until it's time for us to separate.

"Are you guys sure no clubbing tonight?" Lia asked.

"I need to work tomorrow!"

"Okay, get it." We're laughing then saying goodbye, going separate ways after that, me and Brian to the parking lot, them to wherever they want to go.

Brian keep glancing at me curiously all the way to his motorbike, so I whine, "What?"

"You did great." He tapping my back.

"Right?"

"Let me hug you." He hug me even before I let him, keep tapping my back for awhile, but then stop it, letting me focus on his hug alone.

I hug him back, can't help it. Recently he's so huggable. Is that even a word? I mean, he looks so good to be hug, his arms so long and his chest is wide, he can cover myself completely from the world. And his hug always comfortable, that's why I often cry in his embrace.

"I think this is the first time we're hugging but I'm not crying...?"

"Really?" He kind of laughing.

"I think...? I always crying with you. Strangely you always there when I'm crying."

"Let's do this more often. Feels good, right?"

I smile, "Not really, though." I breaking apart from the hug suddenly and push him, teasing him, walk away from him to grab a helmet instead.

"Wow, that hurts."

I laugh.

-

**-Jae's PoV-**

It felt a bit strange to see Brian and Hanna doing a sweet act to each other like that, like a couple. They were best friends, whatever happened back then, they were best friend to the point that no one ever dare to say they will date each other. No matter how much Brian stole a kiss from her, they will stay best friends. Everyone think like that. So it kind of out of place when I noticed how he stare at her, how he took her hand quietly to him thinking no one noticed it. I noticed it. Rae noticed it, too, because I saw a glitch on her eyes that looking at Brian. She kind of surprised to, apparantly. Maybe she never saw Brian act like that too before, I don't know. Their relationship still bring some kind of nerves to me.

And Hanna's reactions to every Brian's actions got me on my nerves too tonight. She's trying hard to really get over me, I feel it. And I'm glad. I'm glad that it's Brian who she found to replaced me with. Brian's a good guy. Well, except what he did to Rae, I still can't accept that fact lightly, but I know he has his reason for that. Just like Rae who has her reason too.

I see them so lovey dovey again at the parking lot, Rae even chuckling at it.

"I never see Brian like that." She said after we leave the building to the street.

"Me too. And to Hanna. That image never cross my mind." I told Rae about Hanna because that's the right thing to do.

No, not about our drunk night in New York, but about her being my first girlfriend back then in the states. My 3 months happiness.

"You jealous?"

I silence, thinking hard and asking myself.

"It's okay, because I do too. Brian never did that to me."

I still silence.

"Well, we're not in that kind of relationship in the first place. I liked him, alone."

That's what everyone thinking about me and Hanna too, back then. That she liked me, alone. The truth is I liked her too. But I couldn't let go of the opportunity to having Rae later so I didn't tell her. I coldly rejected her, just like Brian coldly rejected Rae.

What is this?

"Maybe I did jealous."

"Do you ever think to tell her? Your real feelings to her at that time?"

"And potentially ruin everything now?"

"No, maybe if you do that, you won't regret anything..."

I silence.

"It doesn't mean anything now, so why not?"

But I'm not answer her, I drowning in my own thoughts again until we arrive home. I thinking alone too much lately. Especially since that night in New York. And the kissing scene at the beach make it worse. I keep wondering what if, I keep feeling wrong about everything. I feel wrong when I'm alone with Hanna, and I feel wrong too in front of Rae.

And I shouldn't keep feeling like this because it distract me from everything. I'm not surprised if Rae found me wondering alone or deep in thought alone, because that's what I do most of the time recently. And it started to bother me because I see Rae's hurting everytime she found me like that. So I think I should end it. Really end it all here.

"I'm afraid that it will really mean something if I tell her about it." I said suddenly behind her.

I hug Rae from behind and just say it, quietly, hoping she's still in the mood to talk about this.

"Mean something for her or for you?"

"For me."

"So you're jealous today, right?"

"A little."

She silence.

"I'm sorry."

"I told you I'm jealous, too."

"But I know you won't do anything about it."

"Well will you do anything about it?"

"I don't know."

I feel her getting stiff.

"I'm sorry."

She take a deep breath, "I feel uneasy. It's the first time I see your eyes looks unsure, you always looks determined, but these days... you looks unsure a lot. You felt distant, too. Should I be worry?"

I almost say that I don't know but then I remember Haneul, and somehow imagining his face alone bring an answer to me, an undebatable answer. "No. You shouldn't be worry."

She turn around to face me, too see my eyes because that's her way to feel sure about everything I said.

"I will never leave you and Haneul, what am I thinking?"

"You can be distracted, all human can be distracted, Jae. I know. But like I said, try your hardest before you decided to leave us. Okay?"

"No, god. I was wrong, I'm not gonna leave you both. Oh my god, I'm so stupid to discuss this with you. We shouldn't talk about this in the first place. I'm sorry, Rae."

"It's okay, get distracted all you want, but please come back to me. I have so much confident to make you come back to me, though."

I feel so stupid now. But somehow relieved.

-


	14. Chapter 14

**-Brian's PoV-**

"Playing that again, I want to see how you do it." She put up my phone from the floor and give it to me.

I circle my hands on her tighter so that it can reach my phone again. She shifted to get more comfortable and I just let her move to sit at the front. I hug her completely now, not only with my hands but also with my legs, I hug her tight and start to touch my phone screen again that showing piano tuts.

A soft melody playing through this room as my fingers dance freely upon it, she put her head on my shoulder getting even more comfortable, watching me play. After some times, she touching the screen too, pressing one note one at a time, adding it to the melody I created. I smile then let her fingers move freely at one side of piano, while I keep the rhythm, she plays the melody freely. She still can play it. It's beautiful.

I press the record button to not miss this, I like the melody she creates so much.

"Take me for credit later."

"Sure."

I let her continue playing for awhile, smiling in satisfaction when she finally end it. I hug her again and type 'Hanna song' to name the recording.

"Want to hear it?" I whisper on her ear.

"Hm..."

Then I play it, on repeat, filling this comfortable silence between us with her melodies. I put my phone on the floor to be able to circle my hands fully on her, embrace her properly. She put her forehead on my neck skin now, makes me can feel her breathing. Warm.

Since when we get so close like this? Feels like yesterday she still hitting me when I tease her about something. But look at us now. Our skin meet, our breath collides.

"You're still not give up on me, right?" She asked softly.

"Aren't we just starting?"

"I..." She circle her hands around me, one of it on my back to meet the other one from the front, hug me too, "I will do it properly now..."

"Good."

"Help me."

"That's what I do. That's why I'm here now."

"I thought you do this just for Rae, to prevent her getting hurt by the fact that I slept with Jae."

"That's not the only reason. I really want you."

Am I?

"You want me?"

"Like... why not?"

"You never want me." She let a soft laugh.

"Let's start to wanting each other, then. We're both in pain already anyway. Let's see where we landing on the otherside."

"What if we landing bad?"

"But what if we landing good?"

"So we're really happening?"

"So we're really happening."

She kiss me. This is the first time ever she's the one who kiss me and take the lead.

"Do you like a girl with short hair?" She asked suddenly makes me frowning my forehead. "I feel like to cut my hair short."

I touch her hair then, "How short?"

"Very... short."

"I can always see your neck, then?"

She smiles, "Yes."

"Oh wow, what a tease."

"So I can cut it short?"

"Do whatever you want, Hanna."

She stare at me so deep I think I'm gonna disappear in the depth of her eyes. "And I want to tell Rae."

"About what?"

"Me and Jae. That night at New York."

I ask her if she's sure about it with my eyes but she just kiss me.

"Maybe if I do that I can focus on you more. Completely, without regret and distraction."

I blink. Rae already know, but it's good for her to bring back her confidence so I just smiling proudly to her. She decided to confront it instead of avoid it. She got mature.

"I feel honored that you decided to focus more on me."

"Remember what you said? It only takes either one of these things: time or someone new. I got both."

"Lucky you."

"I feel so stupid if I let you pass just like that. At least I need to try my hardest first."

"Good decision."

"So help me."

"I will."

"You can scold me or get angry if I do another stupid thing with him. You can scream at me."

"Really?"

She silence to think, "No, don't scream at me, it'll be terrifying."

"I'll find better ways to throw my anger later, then."

She's nodding her head and laugh.

And I nervous. Since when I get nervous when she laugh and look at me close like this?

"Why?" She asked when realized I just looking at her without really expressing anything.

"What?"

"Why you look at me like that?"

I blink, "Like what?"

"What are you thinking?"

"I just... nervous?"

"Kang Younghyun can get nervous around me?!"

"I mean..." I turn my face to hide more of my nervousness.

"You, the one who always steal a kiss from me, getting nervous?"

"Yah, that... we were friends, I didn't think of you romantically back then."

"Your ears are red, you must be really nervous right now." She whisper on my right ear and kiss it.

Goosebumps. Shiver.

"You must be a pro."

"Shut up, who's the one did fuck buddy thing."

"What? Yah!" I tickle her and she's screaming loud right away, move her body off of me and trying to escape.

But I cought her and lock her to her back. She's smiling and I get nervous again, but I kiss her bravely. Boldly. It's good that I get nervous. It's rather good, though.

"So we're happening." She said in the middle of our kisses, smiling.

-

**-Rae's PoV-**

She put a paper bag on the table and shift it to me, apologize written on her face and that's when I'm able to guess what's inside the bag. But I still check it, search that special feature around the wrist of the shirt that make it my husband's. I gulp down when I found it.

"I'm sorry." She said carefully, but brave. And determined.

I don't know if it's because she cut her hair short, but she looks so much braver now. Her gaze feels much more alive and sincere, her skin looks glowing, and she looks so calm, peaceful. Happy.

Is she happy now?

"I slept with him in New York that's why I had this shirt."

Should I slap her?

"I'm really sorry." She bowed her head again, "I want to blame it on alcohol, but that's not true. I did it with my full consciousness. Because I liked him. A lot."

If I hear this a month ago, maybe I'll lose my control already and just hit her like a crazy woman, but now I'm so calm. Maybe because my honest conversation with Jae that night, or maybe because I feel like I won already. I won Jae over her. I feel good.

"I liked him since a long time ago, and that night in New York brought back many memories, makes me want to experience it again. So I did it." She lick her lips, "Really, I'm sorry."

But I just sitting still without really showing any emotions. Strange because I'm not mad anymore.

"You can slap me. Or, throw the water at me, scream at me, anything. I didn't tell you this sooner because I'm afraid. And I tried to beat you once again, deceived myself to snatch him from you again..."

"Why you stop?"

She blink, "Younghyun stop me."

Brian. He's Brian, not Younghyun. I never know Younghyun. He always be Brian to me.

"Your... Brian."

I look at her.

"He did it for you, at first. He doesn't want you to hurt. But later I realized once again that Jae never gonna move from his place. And his place... is right beside you."

I want to laughing out this ridiculous situation. If only she knows that she might be sucess moving Jae from his place if she try a little bit harder for a little bit longer.

"And Younghyun distracted me too. So I stop." She's looking down. "I'm sorry."

"And why you tell me all of this now?"

"I'm tired. I want to end it."

And live a new life with Brian? But why am I still feeling jealous like this?

I take a deep breath and break my walls, "I knew you slept with my husband, I talked with Brian, too." She frowning her forehead, "But I don't want Jae or you to know that I knew, so I begged Brian to just keep this to himself." I gulp down, "The truth is, you almost got him. You distracted my husband. I was afraid, too."

She smile, "But he came back to you. He always come back to you. That time, too." She's nodding her head now, become more relax.

I smile, genuinely, for the first time.

"I... never thought I'd receive a smile from you. I imagine you'd slap me at least."

"I made mistake too, in the past. You knew, with Brian. But Jae forgive me. So I'll do the same this time. Only this time. If he do that again later, I won't stay still." I smile, "I'm the type who hold a grudge."

She smiles again.

"I feel like we can be a good friends."

She laugh, "Maybe... years later. Not in the near time. I still need times to sort my feelings out. I'm still... recovering. It was hard, and tiring."

I see tears on her eyes ready to fall but she successfully hold it by turn her gaze from me.

"I think that's it. I told you all the things I want to tell you. I really am sorry. Also, be happy, for a long time." She get up from her sit, bow to me one more time then leave.

Leaving me alone with a paper bag contain Jae's shirt in my hands. I feel relieved so I take a deep breath. Relieved because Jae is safe, and relieved because she's gonna be fine and safe too with Brian. I'm glad things are work for them both.

I wish them a very long happiness too.

-

  
_I told Rae about us in New York. I'm sorry, I'll stop now. You better talk to her, too._

I send that message to Jae while smiling. I'm relieved. I'm done. This is the end, for you and I.

I take a deep breath.

I feel really good, for the first time after awhile. I feel like a new person, walking with a new purpose. I feel so light, too. My steps are lighter and I can feel the wind breeze cooler at me when I'm outside.

It makes me stop for awhile and close my eyes, feeling it more. And when I open it, I see the ray of sunlight on me pierce through the trees, warm. And hopeful.

So I smile.

I turn my head and that's when I spot Brian, standing down the stair waiting for me. He's smiling his tender smile at me. As bright and warm as the sun.

Of course, there's Brian. He's here with me.

And suddenly this feeling of happiness filling up within me. So full filling every corner of myself and it moves me to come to him, to not make him wait any longer. So I run. I running down the stairs to him with this overflowing feelings inside.  
-

  
**-Brian's PoV-**

"Oh be careful!" I said when I see her running down the stairs so fast, and not even slowing down until she come to me.

And hug me right away, without even slowing down a little bit. Makes my heart flutter. She circle her hands on my neck and hug me just like that. I froze still, her scent invading me, so sweet. She smell so sweet. Like spring. And yes, she's blooming now, so fresh with her new hair and hopefully new beginning.

"You bring flowers." She whisper near my ear.

She must see what I'm holding behind my back, "I never thought you'll hug me like this and noticed the flowers, but yes I bring flowers."

She pull off herself so that I can give her the flowers, "Daffodil, symbolizes rebirth and new beginning, I believe." I smile, "That's what the seller said."

She take it with a smile, "Pretty." She touch one of the flower carefully with her forefinger, "And it smell good."

"Just like you, like spring. The first flower that blooms at the spring."

She look at me smiling, "Good job."

I laugh, "You like it?"

"Hm." She looking at it still with her smile.

"And everything's good?"

"I didn't get a slap."

"Fortunately."

"Now it's really the new beginning."

"Welcome, new Hanna."

She just smiling and looking at me, "I feel like kissing you."

"Here?"

"I can't?"

"You can do whatever you want, Hanna."

"Come here, then."

I step forward and come closer to her, she hug my waist and kiss me without waiting anything anymore.

"You want to stay the night?"

"My pleasure."

We're kissing passionately one more time before leaving.

Right, smile more, you're prettier if you smile like that.

-The End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for staying til the end :) please kudos if you like it or comment if there's something off XD it's a fun journey once again for me :)))


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